1diot

Judy was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

Thoughts to live by

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.

Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

Pickup lines and rebuttals...

Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a dang about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and

I think I can!"


There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in back, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So, her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"

The loyal wife replied,"Listen, I'm a good Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."


A man walks past a big wooden fence in front of the insane asylum and hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" in unison.

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.

Immediately, someone on the inside pokes him in the eye.

Before the man could even react to the eye-poking, the people on the other side of the fence begin a monotone chant of...

"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"



Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I dated your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."


Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

51 ways to make your parents think your insane

Follow them around the house….EVERYWHERE!

Moo when they say your name

Pretend to have amnesia

Say everything backwards

Give yourself a swirly

Run around the house with a lampshade on your head yelling “The Sun! It’s dying!”

Run into walls

Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear

Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times

Say wearing your clothes is against your religion

Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and say, “Good morning, Sunshine!”

Snort loudly when you’re laughing them laugh harder.

Run in circles

Recite a whole movie 3 times

Pretend to beat yourself up

Pluck out someone’s hair and yell “DNA”

Slither everywhere

Wear you pants on your head and wear your shirt around your waist…. and tell them you’re making a fashion statement

Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way

Talk to a pen

Have 20 imaginary friends that talk to you at the same time

Try and climb a wall

Spread out in the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly

Take your ice-cream cone and stick it one your forehead ….saying that you’re a lovely unicorn

In a public place yell “MOM/DAD I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!”

Put pegs on your nose and eyes

Do what they actually tell you

Switch the light button on and off for awhile than say “Oooh, I get it!”

Jump up and down yelling “The Monkeys re coming!”

Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal.

Eat anything obviously not edible

Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house

Hold their hands and whisper…”I see dead people”

When you shower or bathe yell “I’m DROWING”

Try to snorkel in the fish tank

Ask them really quietly “Pardon me, but do you have any… “ then yell “SHOELACES”

Chase an imaginary tail

Demand that you have own area code

At everything that say yell “LIAR!”

Pretend to be 326 years old

Hang upside down in your closet

Pretend to be a phone

Try to swim in the floor

Tap on their door ALL night

Pretend to have multiple personalities

Be yourself

YAY!!!

alRIGHT! previous post does not hold to a candle anymore cos im FORGIVEN!!!!!!! WHEEE!!!!! now everything is BETTER nad im HAPPY and life just ROCKS!! alrgiht.. perusem NEXT WEEK!! AHHH!!! gonna die and die and tomorrow is GP EXAM!! oh boy.. now how brown cow? whatever floats my boat.hmm. wad a cool saying.. see. *floating away in boat* hahaha. okies.. i better stop before i start to spill over.. and go all random.hahahaa.

oww oww

its sad when your heart decides to break up on you. sigh. all the blood vessels disconnect and its internal bleeding for a few days. sigh. oh dear. i think the key board is going to short circuit on me. did u know the salt in tears make the tears more conductive? electrically conductive that is. sigh. reminds me of this poem. although it does not exactly fit into context.

dancing in the rain
tears streaming down my face
you are now gone
no one can take your place
oh my throbbing heart gives me pain
dancing in the rain
ups and downs
how funny life passes like this
now i am missing you so
how i long for a last kiss
how do i stay sane
dancing in the rain
now i am full of regret
if only you could come back
i go forward alone now
but that something i will always lack
yet there's nothing to gain
dancing in the rain
i am truly sorry when i caused you pain
now you leave me
dancing in the rain

course, it's not about the above that causes me heart to break. though, it's close enough. :(

if you have heard 'last kiss', it'll make you cry. kinda reflects my mood. gosh damn it i'm a fool i could smack my self then shoot me self. yes. shoot myself. lucky we don't live in america. i'm a freaking idiot... someone smack me then tell me that when i have something i need to hold on and not act ignorant and aloof. i really need a smack. a tight smack. real tight. sigh. on the cheek. oh boy. life is getting. is getting. real, real heart breaky now. i'm to otouchy and aloof at the same time. a stuck up bitch. i need a slap.

crazy thoughts

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?
Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
How old does something have to be to become an antique?
Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?
Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
What should one call a male ladybird?
What would you use to dilute water?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
Why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
How can you hear yourself think?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?

the 10 rules that should be drilled in to teenagers heads

1. This is not a free country. Free implies that you have the right to do whatever you want, whenever you want, to whomever you want. This is a myth that has been passed down among kids forever. It ranks right up there with the myth that the police have no right to search the inside of your vehicle.



2. Pick your friends wisely. Not only can friends drag you down, but laws in this country state that if you are with a friend when they commit a crime, and you do not try to stop them, then you are just as guilty as they are. Telling the judge that you told him not to do it, will only make him laugh when we all know you we're telling him to "do it man, do it", and laughing your a off the whole time.



3. When you hop in a car with someone else, put your seatbelt on and keep your mouth shut unless you see something important. It's bad enough that you trusted your life to someone else, but now you are assuming that they can chew gum and drive at the same time. Do not even think about running from the police in a car. There is no way that you can outrun a radio. No matter where you go they will be waiting to give you the Rodney King welcome you deserve.





4. Contrary to your belief, you are not smarter than everyone else. People can figure out when you are lying, and if you slide by the first time, that just means they don't know you yet. They will though. Someday you will make the mistake of using them as a character reference for the opportunity of a lifetime.



5. If a friend ask to borrow some money, don't lend them anymore than you can afford to give them. You won't ever see that money again, but your friend will probably let you watch the big game on his new tv set that suddenly appeared.



6. If they are a true friend, then they will still be your friend after you say no. This especially applies to girls. People that stick around even when they aren't getting anything are the only people you can trust. Ronald Reagan said, "trust but verify". Guys, you should appreciate it when they check up on you, because the reality is that you probably couldn't get another girlfriend anyway, but at least now you think you can.



7. Drugs, alcohol, and smoking are not cool. When you wake up the next morning you will still be just as depressed about your life. The only differences will be that you will have less money, a hangover, and an unexpected car payment for the next 18 years. Eventually though, you might get free room and board for 10 to 20.



8. Yes, you can be an individual and express yourself in a variety of ways, but there is a limit to everything. If someone tells you "I wouldn't do that sh if i was you", then thats a pretty good indication that the law, and people in general are a little fed up with you expressing yourself.



9. You do not have the right to make other peoples lives miserable with your noise. Not everyone, including animals, have your same taste in music. It's quite obvious to me, that us oldtimers are going to have the last laugh when we walk into Burger King, and you have to hold your hand up to your ear to hear us. While I'm predicting the future, you better hope they come up with a cure for brain cancer too or those long cell phone conversations with your friends will be the last good memories you ever have.



10. This is the most important rule of all. In a democracy, there is no way to make everyone happy. The vast majority must rule. If you are not in the majority or don't believe in the American way of life, then the door is always open to leave. In fact, i'm pretty sure that our country will eventually give you a free ticket home. If you try to push 80 of the population around with political correctness and lawsuits, then be prepared to get squashed when we fall on top of you. When we pick ourselves up, we'll be able to fly you like a frizbee to the country of your choice.

10 commandments of a teenager:-

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are asleep.


(why wait that long)




2. Thou shall not take drugs.


(alcohol lasts longer and is sooo much cheaper)




3. Thou shall not steal from thy corner shop.


(woolworths has a bigger selection)




4. Thou shall not get arrested 4 vandalism.


(destruction has a bigger+better effect)




5. Thou shall not steal from thy parents.


(grandma has more money)




6. Thou shall not help old ladies across the road.


(just leave them in the middle)




7. Thou shall not strip in class.


(hookers pay more)




8. Thou shall not get in fights.


(just start them)




9. Thou shall not skip class.


(take the whole day off)




10. Thou shall not think about sex.


(like nike says "just do it")

Politically Correct Phrases For Students:

No one fails a class any more, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded any more. They merely "hit social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
It's not called gossip any more. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

on de b dae

well well. i have one word to describe today, i think id choose EXHILIRATING. of all the things, lots, and i mean LOTS of things happened today. and i get teased about my pervious entry. hahahahah. ok lets start the whole day..

5.30: wake up and get ready to go to school. run off to bus stop. i thought i missed the bus when it didnt come at 6.20 i started to panic. then it came. PHEW.

got to school and bounced about in the canteen and did econs. millie came nad we finished our work. was on the wau upstairs when i suddenly struck her that it was my bdae hahahhahaha. so we got to class and i settle down to read. bell doesnt ring so we all get down late. on my way to the line when darren comes up and he shakes my hand(real handshake) and is like, happy bdae! im like, how on earth do U know. his reply? i have my sources. a little birdy told me! now why does that sound familiar??? ahhaha. anyhow he goes off and who should come up but darcy. gives me a hug and is like happy birthday! im like ahha thank you. then hes like i need to pass u something later. then goes off to pay up some debts:D ahhaha.

going up to class and anne goes on and on how i MUST follow her somewhere right after econs, the first period before i go for my break. im like.. ok. so boring econs and the bell rings and she starts to panic.hahaha.dont panic:D anyhows what do i say? relax anne teh sun isnt going to die.. hahahah. wad crap. tiffany chow gave me this really cute chicken bobbing pen. i felt like bursting for joy.anyhow, we finish teh bloody copying and im like ms lee can we go? and she like yes. and three ppl run out of class, me millie and anne.hahaha

so we go all the way down and im like, why are we hiding behind the bushes and lo and behold william and darcy come along out of lt 2. im like ok... so we go up and then william is like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! im liike.. haha tahnks. then darcy is like. ok i wanted to make u a card but i had no time so here you go and our chem teacher is behind us. so the rush off, like really fast. and there the 3 of us are standing in the quardrangle like idiots. haha. anyhow i look at wad he passed me and im like ooo cool the nike football bands thingy and this paper thing. anne an d millie take one looka dn laugh. im like. wad the hell is this? annes like *takes it out* its a CONDOM. im like.. freak hahahhahhaha. bloody darcy. ahhaha.2seconds it sinks in . then i laugh. laugh all teh way up to class then down again to break. and during break, i get a CAKE. in SCHOOL. that is the FIRST time. so SWEET of the class. man i love my class.hahah.okok. then we eat. and there are 2 slices left and anne and i go into cahoots to pass em to darcy and william. so we smuggle it all the way to their class. before econs lect. only to have them stuck in class. ah well. anyhows, we leave it under the bench and according to will.i.am. they got it. i think ahhaha. oh during break tiff and them from 1T16 pass me this bag (PUNK BAG() and in it is a punk belt and punk tee shirt! alright! im gonna wear it on friday:D anyhows. going up to class before geog and got more bdae wishes. geog is like geog as usual. nothing much happened. then there was malay oral and the worksheet i rushed to complete. ran all teh way back to class to pack my bag and i leave to the foyer. anne and millie have gone. finally reach safely. more happy bdaes. shawn still has teh hicky i gave him . hhahahaha. not a real one. abloody scratch on his neck i caused. anyhow, we go on board bus and i sit in bw jeremy and shawn:D then shawn falls a sleep and i talk a to z with jerms. mdm damo calls me phone and i pass it to mrs chua. am in front of bus and zehra and bern are acting weird. so i go back to hte back and tehn they come over and pass me this photo frame they made for me. SO SWEET. anyhows, we arrive and then get ushered in to the audi. hang about thro many boring thingies. cant rmb. then off to break before presentation. all goes well. i see slav in person! ahah. then we take lots of silly photos outside the lt for no reason. everyone finally meets terrence, berns bf:D then we leave and zehra and i lose bern so we hang about eating. find her and we go off. miss the bus adn get the 153. debate on whether we take bus or mrt. decide on bus. i get off. get teh next bus. reach bustop. take 20mins to get home when its on ly 3 mins away. Y? i have no idea. i had the impulse to walk really slowly, listeing to my music. so i did. get home finally help a bit around the house. then i go sleep. just woke up. my SIS gave me a PREZZZIE!! so SWEEET! its this assemble urslef motorbike thing. ahhaha. new fad.:D and now im stoning. wondering wad tomorrow is gonna be like. sports carnival. oh shoot. com is gonna shut down.take care!!

birthdays...

its funny you get that anticipated feeling rite before ur birthday. then when it actually arrives you get this deflated feeling cos nothing happened. like nothing exciting or romantic or wads not. so now im preparing myself for a deflated feeling im most probably gonna feel tomorrow. sigh i jus realised taht it has been a hell of a long time since i last poted something. i noe, thats very slow of me considering its my blog, but its an epiphany, a realisation so.. haha. have been so damn busy with pre u seminar and the final rehearsal thing is tomorrow. as in first last rehearsal, if u get my drift, which i dont think you do so nvm.

i get this feeling that this years birthday is gonna be different, maybe cos its a new school and ppl do weird things in mixed schools, something im trying to come to terms with. am trying to change my thingking of teh normal sec school thing to do but its not really working.:( ah well. but nothing interesting has happened for other ppls bdaes so i dont see y anything should happen on mine, other than the fact that this year it is not during the EXAM week! yay! ahha.

ive always found the most romantic thing taht can happen in movies is when teh guy and girl dance with each other. i think tahts damn cool. oo. another thing thats QUITE different from all, LIKE LITERALLY all other birthdays or any other day in the HISTORY of my 16years 364 days and 23hrs that ive lived is teh fact that this FRIDAY is going to be a day to change teh REST of my life. on friday NITE im gonna go out with my mum, sis, dad, mums frend and JEREMY. ahaha. for the first time in my life, a person to get a treat on my bdae is a GUY. hahahhahaha. hes my new best BUDDY!! i swear, hes like the imaginary frend i knew i always had but never knew actually existed. damn DROLL. haha its a word that is PERFECT to describe jeremy. yay! adn my mom says he can come home to watch teh hitch hikers guide to the galaxy if its not too late.. hahahahha. thats a FIRST too.. a guy i noe coming to my house.hmmm.. new bestie!!! wheee!~!!! ok im super high and ive got tons of more preu sem stuff to do so i better go now before it turns 12 midnight.. hahahha. before today turns into tomorrow. before time is an illusion and lunchtime doubly so.. not good. ok..

so long and thanks for all the fish!!!

cutey pics.. looney toons(baby ones)

dial a crocodile

im a bomb technician!