NEW MEANINGS OF OLD WORDS

from this website: hilarious i must say hehehe

http://www.jfort.co.uk/jonathan/defintions.html


Abdicate - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

Esplanade - to attempt an explanation while drunk

Willy-Nilly - impotent

Flabbergasted - appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent - a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in you nightie

Lymph - to walk with a lisp

Gargoyle - an olive flavoured mouthwash

Coffee - a person who is coughed upon

Flatulence - the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

Balderdash - a rapidly receding hairline

Semantics- pranks conducted by young men studying fir the priesthood including such things as
gluing the pages of the priests payer book together before vespers.

Rectitude - formal dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he
examines you

Oyster - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions

Circumvent - the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Frisbitarianism - the belief that when you die your soul goes on the roof and gets stuck there.

Giraffiti - Vandalism spray painted up high

Dopeler effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Ignoranus - a person who is both stupid and an asshole.

life in general?

i was wondering the other day, after my mum told me she wouldnt be here for my birthday, that what the hell is the big deal about turning 18 anyhow? then i realise that i get super excited, not cos im turning a year older hence can do more stuff, but cos its a birthday. that in its self seems interesting. why? idont know. dont know. dont care. just like the feeling..

found out my birthday falls on thursday. hm. whats so great about thursday? some one told me, honestly dont remember who.. i think it was michael, that ppl in general, after doing a survey, actually prefer thursdays more than fridays. i really wonder why? i dont know. i dont care. ehehe..

the great thing about turning 18 (and my counterarguements)

1. you get to legally drink
rebuttal: i hate drinking. alcohol is meant for disinfecting wounds, not dis-functionizing your liver, if such a word exists...

2. you get to legally smoke
rebuttal: to state that as a.. whats the word, positive effect... is the most assholest thing ever to say. the other day xian yao said people who smoke even after going through 12 years of education are really idiots. cos we've learnt its bad. yet they still smoke. so. hence being complete assholers..

3. you get to club
rebuttal: club? you know i was thinking... just a while back it was called a discotheque (a word i finally realised last year was actually an english word, not indonesian as i thought previously) where ah bengs had the night fever dancing queen stuff-a-majigs.. i rmb in primary 6 people still talked of going to the disco. when did it transform into clubbing? anyhow. i dont like clubbing. so there....

4. you get to drive
rebuttal: the age limit got raised i thought. hmm.. to 21.. cos guys cannot maturely handle themselves until that age.. and even then there are major doubts.. anyhow.. anyone who has seen me try and race through project gotham 4 or one of those xbox thingys will know i will never drive... ever....

5. you get to watch M18 movies
rebuttal: i ll stick to my cartoons thank you very much. right now christopher has gotten me into the mood of teenage mutant ninja turtles.. COWABUNGA!!!

CONCLUSION: just like my gp essays, which i usually flunk along with compre ( i dont know why i bother), the conclusion i draw from my rebuttals.. as you can see i dont agree with any f the points stated... i should not turn 18. at all. infact. im turning 2!!! yay!! terrible twos!! im 2 and a half now.. so im getting younger.. plus, my mum wont feel so bad about not being here for an 'important' birthday as well as the whole 'kids in the US usually get a car for their 18th bdae but im not getting you one' mindset. like ok.. what the hell.. hehe..

i am bored. trying to figure out why people are what they are. while everyone else is at the tv watching KING ARTHUR. i dont really feel like watching it.. was supposed to go out with sonia and seren.. but for some reason the aliens kidnapped seren.. and hence she is uncontactable.. thus leading to the consequence of no one going out and everyone feeling bored and everyone blaming seren. hehehehe... i shall post this now..