douGH

Strawberry Ice cream

2009-06-24T00:22:00.002+08:00

I'm listening to this one song over an over and over again, cos it gives me this happy but ultimately sad feeling. i suppose that is being utterly sadistic, don't know why i'm continuing with it, but i suppose , because of the memories connected with this song, i'm gonna love this song forever and the only way to relive the memories vividly wuld be to play the song.altho in the end i know that as of RIGHT NOW living in reality, the ending is not as great as i imagine it to be. but what to do, not all stories are a fairy tale ending. it's like the song is the only thing left of the memory.

it's funny how one day can change practically everything you've ever felt or remembeed or imagined before.

it's funny how emotions are the one thing that make us human butthe one thing that hurts like crap.. lke HELL when things go wrong..

it's funny how memories stay the same, no matter how much reality changes around us, and memories create the strongest impressions in us.

it's funny how, because of these strong impressions, we stick to the first impressios and memories don't allow us to change.

it's funny how because of all of this, we still try to believe the best in someone, altho that person has long changed and the person we once knew is looonnggg gone.

it's funny that even though i know all of this and am aware of it all, i can still continue falling.

it's funny taht althogh i care so much about it, i coldnt care enough to change it.

it's funny that it's never going to change, even if you tried hard enough, because you don' want it to change.

life is just funny.

and i suppose that's kinda what makes it sucks the most.

but if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

these lines of lightning mean we're never alone, never alone..no no...

People. Or person in particular

2008-11-04T14:20:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had that one friend.. that one friend who you can't really tell if he or she is a friend in the first place? That person who only calls you when she or he has a problem and then all the other times just kind of forgets that you exist? That person who decides to complain to you whenever something happens, but never seems to be there for you when YOU need to complain? That person who calls for advice, may or may not listen to it (usually doesn't), calls when it doesn't work out and never offers any consolation or good enough advice wen YOU need it?People, or that person, like that make me confused. I don't understand how they can live their lives just taking, and taking, and taking, and taking. Oh, did I mention, TAKING?!?!! And there you are, just giving and giving and giving and giving. Man, don't they just get on your nerves sometimes. All you want to do is talk. I mean, HELL, they're on the otherside of the globe. You probably won't even see them this Christmas and they never keep the promises that they keep. Just a hello or goodbye would be nice. But no, you become an aquaintance, someone not really necessary to have around unless you are needed. To complain to. To listen to your problems. To give advice. And in the end, to ignore.

You know what the worst bit is? You keep giving and giving, because you consider THEM your very good friend. So you are emotionally attached, just giving and giving. And all they do, considering you as an aquaintance, is to take and take. Bloody idiots. You know, I'm nor surprised that that's your nickname. You fit if PERFECTLY. And excuse my language, but I think I've had it to just about here with all your nonsense. I made a resolve to be free by coming here, but I see I am still as attached as ever. So as of the minute this post goes up, I am going to treat you the same way you treat me. Like ice. Cold hearted, egoistical and stuck up. Ice. As of now, I'm not going to give anymore. Let's see how well you can do.

I predict you'll fall apart. The life you're leading now isn't exactly the kind that you can sustain for the FUTURE. And you bloody well know that. I know I've said I wonder what you would be in 10 years from now, but guess what? I don't wonder anymore. I don't want to care anymore. Whatever happens, happens. I'll tell you something. You're off my list.

Ya donch exists anymores ta mes ya screwball. Toodloos.

Trevor's Stages of Drunken-ness

2008-09-03T02:08:00.005+08:00

Trevor explains to Stacey and I the different stages of being drunk. Haha:)

To Stacey: P.S.: OMG have you touched his twing twang!!?!?!?! HAHA...

Hmm Quotes

2008-03-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don’t deserve me. They’re right, you don’t deserve me, but I deserve you.

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.

The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.

The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don’t love you back.

You don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you.

No guy is worth your tears & the ones who are won’t make you cry.

Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.

The worst kind of love is the one when you want someone but you know you can’t have them.

If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players ?

Don’t waste your time on a guy that isn’t willing to waste his time on you.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.

You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night, a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life.

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

www.coolnsmart.com

Stop.

2008-02-25T20:38:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna stop now...

Broken wings.

2008-02-25T20:31:00.003+08:00

They say be careful.

Or you'll break your wings.

They say be careful.

Or you'll fall.

They say be careful.

Or you're gonna end up on the ground.

They say be careful.

Or carelessness causes hurt.

They say be careful.

And I wasn't careful.

Now I've got broken wings.

For people who believe in Valentine's Day

2008-02-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

Strawberry day is coming. But more on that later. For those who actually BELIEVE that it's called Valentine's Day, keep this in mind. ( I couldn't paste the actual video here cos they didn't give an embedded add thing.. so here is the song with a nice twist of jack telling will to tell elizabeth [yay my name] )

Listen boy
Dont want to see you let a good thing
Slip away

You know I dont like watching
Anybody make the same mistakes
I made

Shes a real nice girl
And shes always there for you
But a nice girl wouldnt tell you what you should do

Listen boy
Im sure that you think you got it all
Under control

You dont want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someones soul

Youre a big boy now
Youll never let her go
But thats just the kind of thing
She ought to know

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That youre for real

Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Listen boy
Its not automatically a certain guarantee
To ensure yourself
Youve got to provide communication constantly

When you love someone
Youre always insecure
And theres only one good way
To reassure

Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she cant be with you
Tell her you wish you were there

Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe

Cause now and then
Shell get to worrying
Just because you havent spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when shes gone

Listen boy
Its good information from a man
Whos made mistakes

Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes

Shes a trusting soul
Shes put her trust in you
But a girl like that wont tell you
What you should do

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that youre for real

Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl dont want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you wont go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl dont want
To wait--you got to
Tell her about it

Anyhow, the whole point is the words to the song. Apparently they're very true. I gave you this song, have you actually listened to it? :/

Year 3000

2008-02-11T20:34:00.000+08:00

UPDATE

2007-12-04T14:14:00.000+08:00

I've finally done what i should have done ages ago, all the links have been updated and i've linked people i should have linked long time ago.. only you were part of my favourites.. so.. i never linked.. if i forgot anyone do tell me:D or if your link is wrong, ditto.:)

An Odd incident

2007-12-04T13:33:00.000+08:00

Wanna hear something rather odd that happened to me the other day? On Sunday?
Well, whether you want to or not is up to you. I'll still blog it up.

I was in the library in Toa Payoh with my sis and we were trying to find the toilet when my phone started buzzing. I looked at it and lo and behold, it was Ahmad calling. Now, i had not the FAINTEST idea why he would call cos the LAST time i smsed him, he never replied *frown* hmm. Anyhow, I picked up.

Me: AHMAD? Do you know the last time i smsed you you never replied? (yes i answer phone calls like that)

A: Hey darling! yes i know im sorry! how are you?

Me: i'm good (note i still needed to get to a toilet)

*pause*

A: so anyhow ado i need to ask you for a REALLY big favour.

Me: uh.. what is it?

A: you see right, cos im in OCS and we have this overseas exchange thing and theres this guy from scotland who came over.

Me: uh huh...

A: and like we've been trying to hook him up on dates and stuff and like problem is that the chinese girls hes been going out with arent really his type...

Me: uh huh... (im starting to get suspicious here. i mean like, with this kind of conversation god knows where it could be leading too.. )

A: yeah and well, in ocs we're having this ball thing coming up and i got picked to find him a date and i was wondering whether you would be his date..

*skip a beat*

A: hes scottish and we were thinking maybe he ought to go on a date with a blonde hair blue eyed gal instead..

Me: uh...( i cannot believe this is the first thing i said) when is the ball?>

A: oh its on the 14th of dec. i know i dont want to sound like a pimp or anything but i REALLY need you to do me this favour.

Me: Im not blonde and my eyes are green

A: please?

Me: but ahmad dear, i wont BE here im leaving this week.

A: OH NO! do you know anyone ELSE who is like you and come please?

Me: (im struggling here.. thinking of others... ) oh dear... but like,, theyre all overseas....
( which is absolutely true- natalia is in poland, kasia is in the states, sonia is in england and seren is back in italy) i'm reallyy sorry ahmad! i really dont know anyone who is here who can help..

A: but like, anyone in cj?

Me: im the only blonde in cj. trust me.

A: oh dear oh dear

Me: you wanna try calling sharmeen instead? shes in ac so she might know someone.... whose blonde...

A: oh that wld be great!

so anyhow i pass him her number and im left feeling rather amused.. anyways.. i dont know how hes doing with his search but if YOU who is reading if you read know any blonde blue eyed who is free on the 14 dec aND wants to mee ocs army ppl and a scottish guy, go tag ahmads blog and help him out in his search:) otherwise he may have to stand outside UWC and stakeout haha :D

PS: it just hit me,, his blog aint working for some odd reason. if you have anyone in mind, got to sharmeens blog.. hehehhehehe... and tag her and she can tell ahmad cos ill be GONE baby!!!

friendship.

2007-09-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

SOME people are really confusing.

ever had a friendship that was like a dream? a really nice one?

a whirlwind of happiness and love?

love meaning friend love.

duh

and then

it just all stops

...

all of a sudden

no reason.
no explanation.

and you wonder what happened?

no talking.
no messaging..

no messanger..

so why bother right?

should i offer to start a concersation first?

then i get no reply..

and i hurt myself.

why bother hey?

SOME friendships.

they just don't make sense..

if rules were made to be broken,

were friendships made to be forgotten?

an awful feeling.

to be forgotten.

some last really long.

they mean a lot. and you know they really are your friends..

then you realise it becomes more of a sisterhood. or brotherhood. whichever.

so is it still considered a friendship?

cos then. you could easily say, if all the nice friendships aren't called friendships, then those that you do call friendships are the realy bad ones, arent then?

so,

friendships are meant to be forgotten then?

that is sad.

another chance?

tell you what.

you start talking this time.

i don't like being the spare tyre all over again.

you want to talk, you start it. not me

not

me.

stupid fool.

Rosel.

2007-09-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

haha. i see the tags and i take note. esp since joyce bugged me today. and i go see rosel's blog. and i am tempted to tag her. only i realise she's tagged me. to do this thingy. on HER. hahahaha. so i shall copy paste. here goes nothing...

1) The person who tagged you- rosel. didnt i just say that?

2) Your relationship with him/her is- we are classmates and she is both my unofficial and official friend! hehe

3) 5 impressions you have on him/her- hmm this is harddd....

1-she has this rosel-ish attitude to never complete what she says hahha. then again. she IS rosel.
2-for some reason the word PINK comes to mind.. oh dear. i wonder why.
3- A REAL FRIEND!!! she knows what i mean
4-she is HILARIOUS. always knows what to say.. like.. SATS. hahaha
5- ah. she doesnt know this. maybe not. or she doesnt believe it. but when she laughs its infectious. for me at least. when shes happy i become happy too!! shes like tiff chow. a HAPPY influencing person. for me:D

4) The most memorable thing that he/she has done for you- planned the whole bunch of presents for my 18th birthday!! ithink... haha at least, its her handwriting on the file!! doughnuts!!!

5) The most memorable words he/she has said to you- oo.. uh.. I KNOW!!! "are you sure you exist?" HAHHAHAHA.

6) If he/she becomes your lover- UGH. heLLOOOooo i am no LESBIAN. eugh. many can attest to that fact ;) haha but.. uh... we shall make doughnuts everyday!!! and then sell them!!! and put ethel out of business!!! muahhaha!!!

7) If he/she becomes your lover things to improve on- her oversensitivity to words and my undersensitivity to what i say. a nice balance haha.

8) If he/she becomes your enemy- die lah. what do you think? cannot survive. when she gives you the cold shoulder, she really gives you the cold shoulder. a very guilty feeling..

9) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be- i would have said somehting along the lines of: you are not my official frend.. heheh...

10) The most desirable thing you want to do with him/her now is- huh? desirable? you got to be kidding.. okok i know!!!! study math in the library again!! then we can write more random stuff and make fun of LONG noses!!!!

11) Your overall impression of him/her is- a REAL person:D

12) How do you think the people around you feel about you- what i think? "why wont she ever shut up? or stop talking? or keep quiet????"yeah.. pretty much that...

13) The characteristic you like about yourself- physical charactiristic? my nose and hsoulders. ive got the nicest nose and shoulders in my family!!! personality characteristic? uh.. i dont mind ppl making fun of me??

14) The characteristic you hate about yourself- physical wise- most of me. personality wise? wish i could be more.. sensible..

15) The most ideal person you want to be with now is- ideal person? need i say who? ;)

16) For people that care and like you, say something to them- i love you too!!!

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about youi'd say no one; except that there are still questions to complete (see below!)
ooooooooooo interesting...
1. ROSEL muahahhahaha kena beng
2.anne
3.joyce (HAPPY??? here is a post.. now YOU do it:) )
4.jeremy (haha like he blogs...)
5. steffi!!! (stuffy!!)
6. tiffy!! fifi wannabe!!
7.AHMAD!!!
8. christopher ( teenage mutant ninja turtles!!! we're men in tights!!!)
9.SHEENI!!!!
10. sabrina!!!

-Who is no.6 having a relationship with? OOOOOOOOO don don don don!( wedding tune)

What's no.9's gender? female! duh! and my bestfrend.. is taht a gender? haha

-If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? hmm well maybe she wont hate guys so much cos ahmad is SUPER caring.. but there is the difference in religion tho..

What is no.2 studying? econs, lit, geog, and math.. oh. and gp and clb. i hope oral was good!!

When was the last time you had a chat with no.3? today.. about official and unofficial frends and.. other type of frends.. but since it is UNANNOUNCED you wld nt know now rite?

What kinda music does no.8 like? i havent the FAINTEST idea.. but he likes the same movies as me!!!! and he sent me daft punks song!!! the nokia ringtone thingy:>D

Does no.1 has any siblings? yes. one sec 4, who doesnt like fluffy things and one younger sister who i SIMPLY ADORE!!!SHES SOOOO CUTE!!!

Will you woo no.3? uhh NOOOOOOOOOooooooo

How about no.7? hahahaha i have no idea.. really i dont... but he does have a close girl firned.

Is no.4 single? HAH! what do YOU htink?

What's the surname of no.5? teo teo@!!!for one min i totally forgot ooo <- check it out!! hyperlink from a typo!!

What's the hobby of no.4? uhh.. rugby, cars and gaming..

.-Do no.5 and 9 get along well?hahah they dont know each other. they wld get along tho sheeni is like me, very loud.. and steffi is... soft haha:D

.-Where is no.2 currently studying at? i certainly hope she is studying in cj. hahahah

Say something casual about no.1. - "something casual about no. 1" HAHHAHAHAH. okok like my usual answer. SHES REAL!!

Have you tried developing feelings for no.8? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA nooooo!!!! no way!!! but hes a cool guy.. but.. feelings are for someone else. aha

Where does no.9 live? perth aussie!!

What colour does no.4 like? white and blue.

Are no.5 and 1 close friends? close close? uh.. no not TAHT close ithink. but they are GOOD freinds:D i hope:/

Does no.7 like no.2? oh!!! yes he does!!! as in like friends type.. he knows her!! wow.. this makes sense!! haha:D

How did you get to know no.2? ENSOC!!

.-Does no.1 have any pets? a turtle!!!! if its still there.. then again.. i think its her sisters.. do you have fish as well?

Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world? HAHAHAH.. i must say yes. because hte poor boy depresses himself so much.. he must be HAPPIER:D and think more POSITIVE about him self!!:D ahmad is sexy!!:D

OK done. HAPPY????? hahahah now i shall go uh. yeah.. go... do math? maybe.. or eat.. nibble.. somehting.. hahah...make card... hmm. hahah:D there you goes:D i shall TAG as well:D

Ze Complicated Life

2007-09-06T08:31:00.000+08:00

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out whatcha yelling' for?
Laid back it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
you will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

You come over unannounced
dressed up like you're somethin' else
where you are ain't where it's at you see
you're making me
laugh out when you strike your pose
take off all your preppy clothes
you know you're not fooling anyone
when you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
Watching your back, like you can't relax
Trying to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
and You fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into
honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

Chill out whatcha yelling for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back, like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
and you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into
honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like your somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no

Ode to Michael...

2007-07-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

The trouble with Michael is that he's cute,

And tall and adorable and huggable to boot.

He could be like your little brother,

A sibling from another mother.

But Michael's got a problem you see,

As sure as one plus two is three.

He's selfish and arrogant and a self-centred prick,

An egotistical Bastard and a 'full of himself' dick.

He doesn't know who his bloody friends are,

So I hope that one day he gets rammed by a car.

I hope, Michael, that you know you suck,

And that as your EX-friend, I don't give a f***.

-if you can guess who, well done. i am not in a good mood.-

Love Me

2007-07-20T21:34:00.001+08:00

A song by Ado.
The trick is to fill in the blanks with a name that rhymes.
I can actually play this on my guitar.
And I wrote it. Amazing *drop jaw*

I have a baby,
His/Her name is ________
So I asked my baby,
'Darlin, do you love me?'

Do you love me, love me
Like I love you, love you
Then our love will be forever true x2

My baby then turned
And said to me,
'Listen my darling,
Very carefully'

You know I love you, love you
Like you love me, love me
And we'll live together happily x2

So I answered my baby,
' Darling _________
You and I dearest
Forever will be happy'

For you love me, love me
Like I love you, love you
And our love will be forever true x2

He/She looked ( 3 claps)
At me (3 claps)
And said (3 claps)
Tenderly

'Darling I love you more
More than can ever be'

It's taller, taller
Than the trees, the trees
And wider than the sea x2

Together so happily
Ado and ________
Hand in hand
Never blue
Their love forever true

Do you love me, love me
Like I love you, love you
Then our love will be forever true x2

Since the song is by me, my name ended up in it. I usually substitute my sister's name in(Ishy) or my mum (mummy)but there are other certain names that can fit as well. :)

ACRES Building and Painting Project MEETING details.

2007-05-28T10:43:00.000+08:00

OK! here we go. TOMORROW which is the 29th for those of you who do not REMEMBER, Mr Louis Ng is picking us guys up at

9am at the entrance of Qian Hu Fish Farm : 71, Jalan Lekar, Sungei Tengah Singapore 698950

the AWRC is RIGHT NEXT to this place. but you meet THERE first. here is map provided:

http://maps.yellowpages.com.sg/maps/scripts/default.asp?postcode=698950&applicationInd=yp

To get to the fish farm: take bus Bus No. 172 from Choa Chu Kang Interchange / Boon Lay Interchange

alight in front of the Home Team Academy (Old Choa Chu Kang Rd).

From there it’s about a 1 kilometre walk to Qian Hu (Follow the sign and turn into Jalan Lekar).

the route for the 172 bus and where you get off is as follows:

from choa chu kang:

choa chu kang loop
(B00) choa chu kang interchange
choa chu kang avenue 4
(B02) Lot 1 Shoppers' Mall
choa chu kang drive
(B02) Opp Blk 209
choa chu kang avenue 1
(B03) Teck Whye Gardens
(B05) Opp Comfort Gardens
(B07) Keat Hong Camp 1
(B09) Opp Blk 296A
choa chu kang avenue 3
(B03A) Sunshine Pl
(Bo5) Blk 484A
bricklands road
(B01) Aft Hai Inn See Tp
sungei tengah road
(B02) Opp Chengtai Nursery
old choa chu kang road
(B15) Opp Track 14
(B17) Bef Jln Lekar <- get off here

or if you start from boon lay first:

boon lay way
(B00) BOON LAY INTERCHANGE
jalan boon lay
(B04) Blk 695
(B02) Blk 680C
jalan bahar
(B16) SCDF Camp
(B14) Aft Jurong Police Div Hq
(B12) Bef Nanyang Ave
(B10) Aft Nanyang Ave
(B08) Jln Bahar Power Station
(B06) Civil Defence Academy
(B04) Bef Muslim Cemy Path 7
(B02) Bef Muslim Cemy Path 1
old chua chu kang road
(B34) Aft Lim Chu Kang Road
(B32)Opp Teen Challenge
(B30)Opp Jln Berseri
(B28) Aft Lp 222
(B26) Bef Shalom Baptist Church
(B24) Tengah Air Base
(B22) Shell Stn
(B20) Opp Army Logistics Base
(B18) Aft Jln Lekar <- get off here

hopefully you know where to get off now. PLEASE DO NOT BE LATE. you need to be at the entrance of QIAN HU fish farm at NINE AM.

regarding another matter:

some of you do not have the paint stuff and goodness knows what. TRY and bring what you can such as the newspaper and masking tape. if you have brushes, please bring as many as you can. if you do not have the painting tray, just bring some kind of container. :) so it can HOLD paint for the brushes that arent rollers.

here is the list of those going and so on so forth that is updated... please once again sms me if anything is WRONG.... (ie. 96311535)

29 May
Jacqueline
Marvin
Justin (only after 12pm)
Darren (only after 12pm)
Rosel (only after 12pm)
Joann (only after 12pm)
Anne (only after 12 pm)
Joyce (only after 12pm)
Adonara (only after 12pm)
Nicole (only after 12pm)

in this case only jac and marvin will be going in the morning.... um..
for marvin : jac's no is: \
for jac: marvin's no is:
just in case you know..:) ask me if you need it.

30 May
Justin
Darren
Jacquline
Marvin
Borvorn
Rosel
Joann
Anne
Joyce
Adonara
Nicole
Shawn
Hisham
Von
Hancai

31 May
Justin
Darren
Joanne
Anne
Joyce
Borvorn
Joan
Nicole
Hisham
Von
Shawn
Hancai

once you have SEEN this post pls TAG my board such that i kknow you have seen it... thank you....

reminder: on 30th.. on wed. pls wear cjc blue pe shirt:)

thank you:)
and if you havent replied my sms as to response to my sms to confirm you have RECEIVED it.... pls do... :)

cheerios :)

Acres Building and Painting Project Details

2007-05-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

Dates of painting: 29th, 30th and 31st May

Time: 9am to 3 pm daily

details provided:

Here are some important notes for the volunteering session:
- Please bring along the following items:
o Paint roller
o Cloth (to clean the wall before painting)
o Newspaper (to lay on the floor to avoid dripping paint on it)
o Masking Tape (to cover the windows and switches to prevent painting on them)
o Insect repellent
o Drinking water
o Lunch
- Please bring along the following for every 2 persons:
o Paint tray
o Paint brush
o Pole (to fit the paint roller in to reach higher parts of the wall which is 3m in height)
-

attire: normal clothing, home clothes, but must wear COVERED shoes. On the 30th of May, please wear CJC Blue PE shirt as the press will be there and we need to represent CJ.

List of people going:

29 May
Justin (only after 12pm)
Darren (only after 12pm)
Jacqueline
Marvin
Borvorn
Joan
Rosel (only after 12pm)
Joann (only after 12pm)
Anne (only after 12 pm)
Joyce (only after 12pm)
Adonara (only after 12pm)
Nicole (only after 1pm)

30 May
Justin
Darren
Jacquline
Marvin
Borvrn
Joan
Rosel
Joann
Anne
Joyce
Adonara
Nicole
Shawn
Hisham
Von

31 May
Justin
Darren
Joanne
Anne
Joyce
Borvorn
Joan
Nicole
Hisham
Von
Shawn

-------

please contact ME (ado) at 96311535 to CONFIRM your attendance and any details you want to clarify ASAP when you have received your sms from me.

thank you :)

will update soon on when to meet and how to get there although details have been given. if you want to meet up before, please tell me ASAP.

thanks once again.. :)

the art of being dead, by my sister

2007-05-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

1. ensure sufficient space to lie down

2. ensure that the space is in a forsaken spot, very hard to find, but just nice for people who walk by unsuspectingly.

3. lie down on the ground

4. do not move

5. do not breathe
should you accidentally breathe and someone is watching, jerk rite up and say, "Boo." it should be sufficient to make em faint. once they have done so, get the hell out of there and find another secluded spot to 'die' on.

6. ensure there is some trace of :

a) blood
b) struggle
c) murder weapon

7. ensure that when lying down, body is in a strange position

8. ensure that there is some fatal wound or sign of death on body such as
a) deep gash
b) missing limbs
c) trace of poison in blood stream
d) blue hands, feet and finger nails
e) purple face
f) headless

9. when identified and taken for testing, do not move. this is critical for an oscar worthy performance.

10. lastly, when either in coffin or furnace, it is the best time to suddenly stand up and start yelling and running around before you really get killed.

if step number 10 doesnt succeed, we wish you a pleasant stay in heaven.. or hell.. which ever one you end up in... *evil grinz*

brought to you proudly by arisia and adosia

NEW MEANINGS OF OLD WORDS

2007-04-13T19:50:00.000+08:00

from this website: hilarious i must say hehehe

http://www.jfort.co.uk/jonathan/defintions.html

Abdicate - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

Esplanade - to attempt an explanation while drunk

Willy-Nilly - impotent

Flabbergasted - appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent - a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in you nightie

Lymph - to walk with a lisp

Gargoyle - an olive flavoured mouthwash

Coffee - a person who is coughed upon

Flatulence - the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

Balderdash - a rapidly receding hairline

Semantics- pranks conducted by young men studying fir the priesthood including such things as
gluing the pages of the priests payer book together before vespers.

Rectitude - formal dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he
examines you

Oyster - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions

Circumvent - the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Frisbitarianism - the belief that when you die your soul goes on the roof and gets stuck there.

Giraffiti - Vandalism spray painted up high

Dopeler effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Ignoranus - a person who is both stupid and an asshole.

life in general?

2007-04-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

i was wondering the other day, after my mum told me she wouldnt be here for my birthday, that what the hell is the big deal about turning 18 anyhow? then i realise that i get super excited, not cos im turning a year older hence can do more stuff, but cos its a birthday. that in its self seems interesting. why? idont know. dont know. dont care. just like the feeling..

found out my birthday falls on thursday. hm. whats so great about thursday? some one told me, honestly dont remember who.. i think it was michael, that ppl in general, after doing a survey, actually prefer thursdays more than fridays. i really wonder why? i dont know. i dont care. ehehe..

the great thing about turning 18 (and my counterarguements)

1. you get to legally drink
rebuttal: i hate drinking. alcohol is meant for disinfecting wounds, not dis-functionizing your liver, if such a word exists...

2. you get to legally smoke
rebuttal: to state that as a.. whats the word, positive effect... is the most assholest thing ever to say. the other day xian yao said people who smoke even after going through 12 years of education are really idiots. cos we've learnt its bad. yet they still smoke. so. hence being complete assholers..

3. you get to club
rebuttal: club? you know i was thinking... just a while back it was called a discotheque (a word i finally realised last year was actually an english word, not indonesian as i thought previously) where ah bengs had the night fever dancing queen stuff-a-majigs.. i rmb in primary 6 people still talked of going to the disco. when did it transform into clubbing? anyhow. i dont like clubbing. so there....

4. you get to drive
rebuttal: the age limit got raised i thought. hmm.. to 21.. cos guys cannot maturely handle themselves until that age.. and even then there are major doubts.. anyhow.. anyone who has seen me try and race through project gotham 4 or one of those xbox thingys will know i will never drive... ever....

5. you get to watch M18 movies
rebuttal: i ll stick to my cartoons thank you very much. right now christopher has gotten me into the mood of teenage mutant ninja turtles.. COWABUNGA!!!

CONCLUSION: just like my gp essays, which i usually flunk along with compre ( i dont know why i bother), the conclusion i draw from my rebuttals.. as you can see i dont agree with any f the points stated... i should not turn 18. at all. infact. im turning 2!!! yay!! terrible twos!! im 2 and a half now.. so im getting younger.. plus, my mum wont feel so bad about not being here for an 'important' birthday as well as the whole 'kids in the US usually get a car for their 18th bdae but im not getting you one' mindset. like ok.. what the hell.. hehe..

i am bored. trying to figure out why people are what they are. while everyone else is at the tv watching KING ARTHUR. i dont really feel like watching it.. was supposed to go out with sonia and seren.. but for some reason the aliens kidnapped seren.. and hence she is uncontactable.. thus leading to the consequence of no one going out and everyone feeling bored and everyone blaming seren. hehehehe... i shall post this now..

ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR

2007-01-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

you take my breath away
*GASP**CHOKE**FAINT*
romantic things. either that can be done. or said. or both. or wadever. haha i lost track of my thought. haha. in no order of degree of romanicness.

BY THE WAY, it's from shaun and other ppl's inspirations.

1. WALKING. yes. walking hand in hand. very sweet. two hands entwined through the currents of time. oo. so melodious. either along the BEACH. or the RIVER (in this case the kalland river or like clark quay).

2. SERENADING. there is a REASON why ppl used to have the guy serenading the girl from below her balcony. it's cos girls actually DO like it. it makes her feel special. even if the guy cant sing. look at ashton kutcher in 'a lot like love'. that is one of the most ROMANTIC things i've seen a guy do. cos he bares his soul to the world and is vulnerable and humbled before the one girl he loves. HAHAHA.

3. WATCHING. on the couch. snuggled up. in front of the tv. wrapped in each others arms. while the fire in the fireplace crackles softly. is anyone else melting here? cos i am. its so darn SWEET . entwined in each others lives.

4. DANCING. in the rain? in the middle of the shopping mall. after dinner at a restaurant. slow waltz. at the prom. GOD KNOWS. anywhere. as long as they're in each others arms, eh? ;)

5. DRIVING. drive in that cool car of yours across the highway. feel the wind in your hair. OR your boat. steer your boat to open waters. enjoy a dinner on a CRUISE.

6. FLOWERS. i like the line in 'breakup'. she says, i know i said i don't like flowers cos theyre dead but EVERY girl likes flowers to be given to her. its true .

7. FOLD. cranes, hearts, flowers. anything. it shows effort and time and that you CARE. awesome.

8. WRITE. a card. a simple card. the sweetest of words can melt the hardest of hearts. believe me. see garfield comic strip. everyday with you is special. haha.

9. OUTING. go out and shower her/him with hugs and kisses.hold hands.tease, play with hair (HAAHHAHA), and show that you CARE. some kinda of connection. anything. will do.

10. KISSING. in the rain. must be awesome. so cold . so wet. ok, maybe it just looks good in the movies. but NOT in cars. that's just sick. so cliche.EIFFLE TOWER. and grab a pic. TAKING pictures are VERY important.

i have totally lost the point to this entry. head is fuzzy. hehe.romance is in the air.ROMEO oh ROMEO. where for art thou prince charming? :)

Alternative Version

2007-01-21T09:23:00.000+08:00

A You're abominable
B You're so beastly
C You're as cruel as can be
D You are dreadful
and
E So excruciating
F You're a fright to look upon
G Ghastly looking
and
H You're so horrible
I I so do not idolise you
J You're a joker
and
K You're a killer
and
L You are such a loser too
how 'bout
M
N
O
P
i could go on all day
Q
R
S
T
alphabetically speaking
You're so NOT ok
U ruin life for me
V means you're vile to me
W
X
Y
Zed
or
Zee
i could wander through
the alphabet without you
'cause you don't mean anything to me.

when life tears you down, it's always good to blame one random person, that doesn't really exist. kinda helps loosen the load.

MORE AND MORE sabo by rosel.

2006-11-13T00:18:00.000+08:00

Name a friend whose name starts with a "S"?
steffi! (cos shes my mortal!!)

4TH person on your missed calls?
haha jeremy.

What was the last text message you recieved?
HAHAH. from darcy saying: haha u're busy:) are u up yet u lazy pig?

What is the next concert you are going for?
never gone for one. unless teh ones in school count. prolly rockefellarskank if its still on nxt yr. haha.

What was the last thing you eat?
ice cream. wall's tiramisu. hahaha

What was the last thing you said to someone and who was it?
hahahahhaha to rosel. ahah on msn. muahah.

Have you ever seen the movie donniedarko?
nope. sounds like a nick for someone in a forum. ahha.

Ever been hunting?
yup. for bugs in the backyard in indonesia. man that was fun!! ahha.

Is marriage in your future?
do i look like i know? honestly? i say im NOT gonna get married but who the hell knows? ahah.

When was the last time you said "I love you" and meant it?
um.like.. at 10ish pm just now.

What should you be doing right now?
either sleeping, reading my book or doing the proposal i have yet to complete.

Do you have a nickname?
dough.ado. dodo.nara(bleah). do. ah do. liz. lizzie. mooczecoslovakia. zora. adosia. dosia. doshy.dosh. dosh dosh. doughy! yeah. cant rmb others. oh. sayonara. aha.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
um. i believe in feeling at first.. talk. does that count?

Who is the youngest in the family?
sister. if age. if its date. my dad.

Are you a heavy sleeper?
yeah. i think.jet lag yeah. after playing tag. yeah.

Last time you used a skateboard?
ALMOST yesterday. but i idnt trust the deck. uh. in march. at T16 bbq. pat's deck. AHHH!! i want his deck man.

Ever run out of gas on the road?
haha. meaning exhausted. yeah. go tired and sleepy. haha.

Best movie you ever seen in the past two weeks?
GREASE. vcd. nothing beats grease.

Last person:
You saw?
mom. going into her bedrm.

Talked to on the phone?
uh. oh. wow. um.phone... mom? like.. 2 days ago? when i called her at her office?

Hugged?
sister? ahah.

Person you texted?
darcy. telling him im not a pig and i had been awake since god knows when. hah.

Today:
Date?
13 Nov.

Got any plans?
gonna sleep. mom staring at me.

Currently:
Missing someone?
uh huh.

Mood?
scared of mom.

True or False:
I'm a morning person?
true.

I'm a perfectionist?
when it comes to cleaning.

I'm only a child?
nope one sis.

I'm online 24/7?
nope.

I'm very shy about the opposite gender?
no. whack em.

I can be paranoid at times?
uh huh

I currently regret something I have done?
yeah. yelling at someone. ruinging their day.

I enjoy talking on the phone?
no.

I have a lot to learn?
uh huh

I have a secret?
haha. yeah. duh.

AHH MUST SLEEP/

MORE sabotage by Rosie-el

2006-11-12T20:17:00.000+08:00

One. Think of 11 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they've gotta be true.
Two. Come up with 3 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.
Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.
Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the 3 false ones are!
Five. Get 6 others to do the same

1. I was a big headed baby.
2. I was a stubborn baby.
3. I hate guys.
4. I sometimes wish i was a guy.
5. I love PETER pan no matter what!!!
6. I am a sucker for romance novels.
7. I believe i was born on Neptune, hence being an alien.
8. I wish i was in an alternative life.
9. I have a prince charming.
10. I can't count half the time.
11. I don't care for the name Dough.
12. I wish i lived on the moon.
13. I wish i wasn't me!
14. I'm a sucker for feathery stuff.

No elaborations. hence hareder. happy figuring out. betch never will guess. haah if you do. well done.

Love on the Internet.

2006-11-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

This is cool,

Love on the Internet byRex Hermogino

She signs on as WF
living downtown with a flat and a room mate
she's looking to chat
i reply i wld like to get to know you better
wanna chat over coffee?
we go on a date
i fell in love for the first time
it was love at first chat online

* now i'm crying cos i've fallen
fallen for you
thought we had something going on
it was just a one night stand
so i was wrong
now im crying
cos im hurting
it's wad you did
now it is something i regret
trying to find love
on the internet*

She logs on
i started to chat with her
trying to find the truth and some answers
she doesnt reply
and i review her profile
there it says
and its safe
and you know what that meant
no strings attached
could you believe i was so blind
ppla arent wad they seem when theyre online

**

i've learnt alot for the first time
ill be careful when my heart is on the line

intrumental interlude

** (repeat twice)

haha when it starts off i think of cant help faling in love with you by F4. haha. i figured out the lyrics and now the song is in my head. there prolly are mistakes with the lyrics.. ha ah wells. ITS COOL MAN. and so funny!!!

REMEMBER REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER

2006-11-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

happy fifth of november ya all!!

Remember, remember,
the fifth of November,
gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
'twas his intent
to blow up the King
and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys,
make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys,
God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!
A penny loaf
to feed the Pope.
A farthing o' cheese
to choke him.
A pint of beer
to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks
to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we'll say
ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!

remember V for Vendetta. Remember justice and democracy in this unrighteous world we live in. remember the fifth of november.

how to ANNOY ppl

2006-10-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

this website: http://maxpages.com/frumpetland/How_to_drive_people_insane

is goooooddd.. i like the person. s/he knows wad i like. heheheh

you gotta go see wad s/he has got. i cant copy paste. wont allow me. hmph.

ms mary mack

2006-10-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

i am feeling...
sadistic.
creepy.
weird.
haunting.
brtal.
ruthless.
unforgiving.
wicked.
evil.
vicious.
crude.

ms mary mack
mack mack
all dressed in black
black black
she has a knife
knife knife
stuck in her back
back back
she cannot run
run run
she cannot hide
hide hide
so all she does
does does
is go and die
die die.

- stacey brown

white is for magic
blue is for nightmares
red is for remembrance
silver is for secrets

black.
black is for hate.

i am feeling sadistic.

morbid.

i shouldn't feel that.

not today.

'cos it's a friend's birthday.

happy birthday rosel.

on another note.

our outing on thursday.

marks the last time i am ever going out.

my lIfE has ended.

social life that is.

gruesome horror movies. not a good image.

i am sorry.

bastards and jerks.

2006-10-22T13:30:00.000+08:00

Every song sung by a guy to a girl
tells the girl that she'll be better off with him
as compared to the guy she is with now
because he is better than that guy
and that he won't break her heart
like that guy did

And you tend to think
if there are so many of these kind of songs
if you try piecing them together
you will find a string of guys
one after the other
most probably telling the same girl
that they are better than the previous guy

Doesn't it occur to anyone
that by this time
it must mean
that the girl has gone through
so many heartbreaks
that you feel really sorry for her
and you start to wonder if she deserved it

But i can tell you
i don't think she deserved it
it's just that she is horribly unlucky
surrounded by JERKS
and BASTARDS
which makes up the majority
of the GUY population in this world

You got to hand it to the guys
they never FAIL
at making everyone else feel miserable
they have the knack at doing it
so much so
that even those you THINK are okay
aren't

And people always asked me
why most of the time
i was anti-guy
does that answer your question?
they are jerks
all of them
i repeat
ALL of them

In the words of Frenchy
from Grease
" The only man you can trust
in your life
is your daddy"
'cos they've exhausted their supply
of being bastards and jerks

Never trust your emotions
nor your heart
even if they say
that you should always follow your heart
'cos it's your heart
that is going to lead you into
a hell of a lot of trouble

guys-> stay away from them; bastards and jerks.

sabotage by rosel

2006-10-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

i got shot in the head with this. as in.. rosel put my name down t odo this quiz so i shall be nice and do it :) tho i think lots of ppl have seen it.. i know steffi has done it..

1) How old do you wish you were?
i know this one!!!! 2 and a half yrs old!!

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
2min i turned the tv off they reported it and i only found out the nxt mornin in my school bus. my mom panicked nad called up ALL my relatives.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
i kick it. i push the buttons real hard. turn the return change button. kick again.. and tehn in vengence i pull the plug out.. hahaha no lah..

4) Do you count yourself kind?
WAD!??!?!?! ME??!?!?!? KIND!?!?!?!? no. im EEEEEEEVIL!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
HAD TO? hmmm id unno. i wouldnt like to..... if i had to...some wehre near my back.. not visible

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
polish,german, dutch,french,spanich,swahili, latin and italian!

7) Do you know your neighbors?
well.. i know which is their car. and i see tehm. but i dont know their names..

8) What do you consider a vacation?
beach. sun and waves!!!

9) Do you follow your horoscope?
nope. not much. never true for me. BUT the otehr time my cuz had a scaringly true horoscope.

10) Would you move for the person you loved?
move wad? move my location? as in go to another country? yesh. move the moon? if thats wad it takes yeah.

11) Are you touchy feely?
meaning? haha if you mean linking arms.. im afraid to say that in class when ppl link arms and wak or sumfin.. like tiffanys obsession with ppls fingers and steffis neck obsession and rosels ( haha you know this is true) obsession with heads on shoulders.. im not too fond of them.. i dont like the feeling of being pulled down.. stuck up but true.. sigh..

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
hahaha yup :D and birds of a feather flock together. hahahah

13) Dream job?
work on teh moon!!!!! the essence of dreams ahhaha. unicorns!! nad white shining princes in armour!!!! ahahah ok.. not job but ah well.ahhaha dream job. damsel in distress. hahaha.

14) Favorite channel(s)?
i dunt really watch tv. i watch vcd and dvd. no commercials. hahaha it used to be channel i. but. it doesnt exist anymore. ah well.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
hhaaha me go no where. if i could.. the moon!!!

16) Showers or Baths?
i like baths but i only get showers. ah well.

17) Do you paint your nails?
NO WAY. did it once. for a performance. couldnt get it off. for 2 weeks. had no remover. stopid really.

18) Do you trust people easily?
ah. hmmmmm....... if in general. yeah. im gullible and naive. if being specific. ppl i dunt trust i dont talk to them much.

19) What are your phobias?
falling down the grandstand again(but that is ok now..). waves ..tidal waves drwoing me( but i conqured that in aussie) so.. well i supose.. something horrid happeneing and i wouldnt be able to say i love you very much. esp losing my parents.. sis .. and you.. sigh..

20) Do you want kids?
nope. adopt if you must. but im scared. this horrid world. will esult in bratty kids. so. KILL EM ALL!! muahahha

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
uh. i got 2 diary ish things. ones in english, the otehr in greek.

22) Where would you rather be right now?
hmmm.... with you i guess.. very sure about that...

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
heehheheheehe.. getting real personal arent you. when you hear something that makes you melt inside.. yeah.. or blankets for external warm and fuzzy and a hot chocolate drink , a fireplace, marshmllows nad a cuddle.

24) Heavy or light sleeper?
lgiht. i wake up constantly. unles sim real tired.

25) Are you paranoid?
that we will be over run by aliens? yeah. hahahaahaha in general.. no.. i managed to make my front actually become part of me... as long as i got you babe. hahaha wad a song..

26) Are you impatient?
eheheheh hell yeah. i bounce on one foot then the other.. hahahaha i HATE surprises.hahaha

27) Who can you relate to?
uh.... the pillsbury dough boy. hes got hte same name as me!! :)

28) How do you feel about interracial couples?
who gives a damn? love is love. is you love someone. you love hte person. outward experiences mean nothing. wadsoever.

29) Have you been burned by love?
nope. for once. i didnt make a mistake. hehehehe.

30) What's your favorite pick-up line?
hahahahahahaha you baby, are the cause of global warming, cos ur so damn hot. hahaha actually no. thers this one where the guy goes up and is like OMG LAURA HI HOW ARE YOU?? YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT!!!YOU MUST HAVE CHANGED YOUR HAIRSTYLE and the girl, who most probbaly isnt named laura will say, uh im not alura, im ____ then teh guy goes OMG YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME TOO!!! hhahahahahahhaha lovely.

31) What's your main ring tone on your mobile?
no ring tone. it buzzes. if i could. the mosquito one!!

32) What were you doing at midnight last night?
prolly was asleep already.

33) What did the last text on your cellphone say?
hahahah it said: ?whos this? hahahah from ircahn. hahahahhaha

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
UH.. my own? a bit obvious? unless a bunk bed is claimed by the occupant of the lower bunk.. so it wld be my sis' ahaha.im on top :D

35) What color shirt are you wearing?
its white.. its one of those 3 for 10 spore shirts very ragged and torn. hahah play clothes.hahaha.

36) Most recent movie you watched?
monster hse? wif my sis :D

37) Name three things you have on you at all times?
my hair, my nose nad my eyes...

38) What colour are your bed sheets?
its checkered with yellow blue stripes and a white background.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now?
hehehe none.. no wallet with me now. hahahahhahahhahaha

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
me no like meat. but if it must be.. the white bit.. i dunno wat its called.

41) What's your favorite town/city?
kattomba,blue mountains,sydney,australia. thats one place. asin katoomba. one place. the rest is where it can be found.hahahhaa

42) I can't wait till...?
i grow up? till WE grow up hahahahhahaha. happily ever afters.hahahha

43) What did you have for dinner last night?
does this nite count? uh... i am assuming.. oh yeah. rice. broccolli and mushrooms hahah.

44) How tall are you barefoot?
163cm. hahahahhahaa

45) Do you own a gun?
nope. none of any sort. no weapons of any kind.

46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water. first thing i drink when i wake uphahaha.

47) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
hard qn. where ever go wants me to be>? ahahaha you cant beat that answer.hahahahhaha.

48) Last thing you ate?
choco pies!!!!! ahhaha 3 of them!!!! hahahaha

49) What songs do you sing in the shower?
L.O.V.E disney songs and wadever song is in my head. today its fly me to the moon. haha

50) Last thing that made you laugh?
uh.. thsi blog i read. hahhahahha

51) Worst injury you've ever had?
um. fell off my bike was about 5 ish. got stitches on my chin and my jaw got shifted. its crooked. hahaha.

52) Does someone have a crush on you?
oh wow.would i know? no. i wouldnt. a crush is a SECRET so how on earth would i KNOW? UNLESS ... you ask rosel. or suba or jeremy. they will give different versions of ans they think will ans the qn.hahahhahaa.

53) What's your favorite candy?
the apple sour strips things. oooooo i love em! haha

54) What song do you want played at your funeral?
i think.. uh.. ok this requires a lot of thinking.i think...one of those funky songs. OH oh i know.. the supergirl song from princess diaries.

55) Eight random people to do this!
me is not gonna answer this. hahah its up to you if you wanna ans. hahahahhaha

Someone.....

2006-09-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

You are Everything To Somebody

Right now at this very minute:

someone is very proud of you
someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you
someone misses you
someone wants to talk to you
someone wants to be with you
someone hopes you aren't in trouble
someone is thankful for the support you have provided
someone wants to hold your hand

someone hopes everything turns out all right
someone wants you to be happy
someone wants you to find them
someone is celebrating your successes
someone wants to give you a gift
someone think you ARE a gift
someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot
someone wants to hug you
someone loves you
someone wants to lavish you with small gifts
someone admires your strength
someone is thinking of you and smiling
someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on
someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun
someone thinks the world of you
someone wants to protect you
someone would do anything for you
someone wants to be forgiven
someone is grateful for your forgiveness
someone wants to laugh with you about old times
someone remembers you and wishes you were there
someone needs to know that your love is unconditional
somebody values your advice
someone wants to tell you how much they care
someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you
someone wants to share their dreams with you
someone wants to hold you in their arms
someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms
someone treasures your spirit
someone wishes they could STOP time because of you
someone can't wait to see you
someone wishes that things didn't have to change
someone loves you for who you are
someone loves the way you make them feel
someone wants to be with you
someone hears a song that reminds them of you
someone wants you to know they are there for you
someone is glad that you're their friend
someone wants to be your friend
someone stayed up all night thinking about you
someone is alive because of you
someone is wishing that you would notice them
someone wants to get to know you better
someone believes that you are their soul mate
someone wants to be near you
someone misses your guidance and advice
someone values your guidance and advice
someone has faith in you
someone trusts you
someone needs you to send them this letter
someone needs your support
someone needs you to have faith in them
someone needs you to let them be your friend
someone will cry when they read this

i guess that one thing should stick to us when we read this. that if everyone has a someone, you would be someone's someone too. spread the love. with love, we would all be smarter people. smarter and wiser...

why guys like girls.. hmmm are you sure??

2006-09-21T14:04:00.000+08:00

here is a chain mail thing i got and i really wonder from a guys point of view whether it is at all true... hmmm so here it starts:

Here are a few reasons
why guys like girls:

1.
They will always smell good
even if its just shampoo (ah.. ok.. shampoo?? but... sometimes its too soapy...phew.. you would smell like a bloody clean toilet with too much detergent.. hmmm.. thus: choose ur shampoo wisely you wont know wad guy is smelling you.. :) )

2.
The way their heads always
find the right spot on our shoulder ( sometimes NOT.. if i recall correctly.. height difference plays a PROBLEM.. resulting in a SHARP shoulder or sharp ELBOW.. )

3.
How cute they look when they sleep (ok.. i would think ANYONE wuld look cute enough when sleeping cos the sleeping person would be SERENE and peaceful and not yelling at you hehehehe..)

4.
The ease in which they fit into our arms (oh?... oh.... hmmmm... oooohhhhhhhhhhh)

5.
The way they kiss you and
all of a sudden everything
is right in the world ( HAHHAA for the duration of the kiss that is.. then time comes to say GOODBYE and all the worries come flowing back..)

6.
How cute they are when they eat ( HAHHAHA you havent seen everything then mister.. its called soup on the table and crackers on your lap.. and a milk mustache..)

7.
The way they take hours
to get dressed
but in the end
it makes it all worth while ( ok... hinting to all girls that its OK to take hours nad be late because we are EXPECTED to do so.. HAHAH.. rubbish..)

8.
Because they are always
warm even when its minus 30 outside ( HELLO!?!?!?! have you EVER been into our LIBRARY!! or teh lects!!! its FREEEZING!! and guys would be the warmer ones cos their blood is always rushing due to high metabolism rates damn them those warm blooded creatures...)

9.
The way they look good
no matter what they wear ( ah. ok. well. uh. ever occur to you the saying.. its in the eye of the beholder??)

10.
The way they fish for compliments
even though you both know that you
think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth (wad if she doesnt know she is cos she doesnt believe it?? its called an inferiority complex)

11.
How cute they are when they argue (and that annoys us more due to the fact that you mind wanders off while we are trying to put across a POINT.. and you wonder why we get so frustrated.. hmph)

12.
The way her hand always finds yours (ah.. then you let go...sad sad...)

13.
The way they smile ( haha you obviously havent watched enough movies.. ever occur to you that there are some girls who are missing a couple of front teeth? all i want for christmass is my two front teeth.. go check it up)

14.
The way you feel
when you see their name
on the call ID
after you just had a big fight ( ok this.. i odnt know.... im not hte guy. hehehehhe)

15.
The way she says
"lets not fight anymore"
even though you know that
an hour later.... ( ah the contradictions in life..hahhaha dont fight..)

16.
The way they kiss when
you do something nice for them (ok...)

17.
The way they kiss you
when you say
"I love you" (ok........)

18.
Actually ...
just the way they kiss you... (OK.. enough too much info man..)

19.
The way they fall into your arms
when they cry (ah. then you think.. ohh cry baby or.. omg wad to do?? depressing aint it?? haha..)

20.
Then the way they apologize
for crying over something that silly (hm. yeah. ok. that happens.. haha)

21.
The way they hit you
and expect it to hurt ( and you realise that it WONT hurt cos of ur freaking arm muscles..)

22.
Then the way they apologize
when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)! (ah but its called facal expression.. saying sorry is a MUST)

23.
The way they say
"I miss you" ( ok.. and thats supposed to be NICE?? isnt more like omg... dont.. youll make me miss you more??)

24.
The way you miss them ( ah. ok. read my mind.. but i can say WE miss YOU more. hehehhehe)

25.
The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not.
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

9evidently.. this guy is damn despo...the one who wrote this... and is thinking of that girl so to girls this entire point 25 looks like a hell of a rant that we cant exactly follow. oh wells. good for you man. voice you feelings.. but i can tell you.. youre never gonna get her if you dont TELL her.. sheesh.. men..)

and at the ending of this chain mail is the amusing remark .:

This chain started in 1887.
It is a love chain letter.
In an hour you are
supposed to send it to
25 people.
It is easy, just look into
chat rooms and find them.
Anyway,
send it to 25 people in 1 hour.
Now here
comes the fun part.
You then say
the name of the person
you like or love
and then the person will say
"I love you,"
or
"Will you go out with me?"
NO JOKE!!!!!

did it EVER occur to ppl that a freaking computer didnt HAVE the internet in 1887? no? well it occured to anne and we had one HELL of a laugh. .hhaha good luck to you people who can fall for that.. htink before you leap aye?

being selfish: ME

2006-09-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

ah lets see... some probing while i endure an identity crisis...

Does your name begin with: A
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. ( hahaha the adventure side of me i guess.. hahaha)
You mean business. (i do? i thought im always JOKING!)
With you, what you see is what you get.(true, im not about to change myself just cos you dont like wad you see. too BAD suckers!!)
You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute,demure, and subtly enticing. (hahahhahahah!! true!!!! thats why suba is a horny flirting bastard!!! hahahaha :D buddy buddy wh? ;) )
You are an up-front person. ( i am? are you serious? oh. ok.)
You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. (hahah cos im too SLOW to get them and too BLONDE to give them )
Brains turn you on. ( ahhahahhahahhhah are you SERIOUS???? i though it was humor? haha oh well :D)
You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. (oh? hmm i DO like talking with ppl :D)
You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. (hehehe.. i AM guilty of that..)
Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. (aer you SERIOUS? i personally dont give a DAMN! hahhahaha i always preferred PERSONALITY!!! ask anyone :D )
You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional ( practical?? in a RIDICULOUS way.... not emotional??? in an EMO way... )
Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. ( hahahhahah!!! i really like this.... gd choices? you GOT TO be kidding.. trouble? hell YEAH!!! hahaha :P )
You are very self satisfied & egoistic. (oh? ahha i got an EGO! OMG and i didnt know it! haha serious!)

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted ( hahahaha omg. hell YEAH. i am STUBBORN! hard heart? hmm maybe...)
Strong-willed and highly motivated (hahahhahahhahahahhahhaha...)
Sharp thoughts ( oh yeah.. especially when im ANGRY)
Easily angered (speak of hte devil!!!?!?! haha oh yeah.. SHORT temper.. )
Attracts others and loves attention (hahahha spotlight?? me?? oh. hmm ok maybbee...)
Deep feelings (ah. yesh... philospohical ado :D)
Beautiful physically and mentally ( HAHAHA!! WAD A JOKE!!)
Firm standpoint (yup.. stubborn..)
Easily influenced ( hmm isnt that a contradiction from the above?)
Needs no motivation (hahaha.. ok... )
Easily consoled ( oh?? really?? )
Systematic (left brain) ( hmmmmmmm... i doubt that...)
Loves to dream ( oh YEAH DAY DREAM!!)
Strong clairvoyance ( wadd???)
Understanding ( oh? hmm i dont htink so)
Sickness usually in the ear and neck (hmmm... throat included??)
Good imagination ( hahahahhahhaha hmmmm)
Good debating skills (if arguing counts hahaha)
Good physical ( wad? physical wad??)
Weak breathing ( AHHHHH!!! OMG NOOOOO *COUGH**GASP* *CHOKE**DIE*)
Loves literature and the arts ( uh... only drama......)
Loves travelling ( oh yeah.... oooooohhh yeah)
Dislike being at home ( hmmmm maybbbeee... maybbeee not..)
Restless ( hahahah yeah.. even now im bouncing up nad down..)
Not having many children ( ah. i hate pregnant women..)
Hardworking ( hahahha my FOOT)
High spirited ( HAHAHA i think its called HYPER)
Spendthrift ( hahahahhaha maybe.. i really dont know. hahaha)

Taurus

Turn ons

Stability and dependability characterize Taurus. (aww now isnt that sweet? aha pity it isnt true.. i think)
They like people who can blend and grow with them. (ah yesh.. well.. yeah.. haha)
If you have a Taurus partner you should appreciate all things bright and beautiful. (huh? but im not about to say wad you should do or not.. thats ridiculous!!)
They have an inherent artistic sense and are fond of color and music. (okk....hmm)
Judge the life with them from purely materialistic point of view. (WAD!?!?!?!? WAD THE HELL!?!?! I HATE MONEY!!!)
Enjoy everything luxurious that money can provide. (EXCUSE ME??!?!??! OMG I AM INSTULTED!!!)
Enjoy good food (better if you can cook to please them) and good drinks with them. (ok.. i ahve NO idea.. hmmm)

Turn offs

Taurus is very slow to anger (in fact you may s pend the whole life with
them and still no spark) but you should not push your luck too much. ( wad a BLOOODY contradiction.. hahaha.. )
Being unreasonable or aggressive with them may get you into trouble. ( well yeah.. dont push me!! hahahhaha.. )
Do not press him into a corner and if you do be prepared for a violent rage. (maybe... its called a mine.. you toucha nd BOOOOOMMM!!)
Taurus is capable of violent outbursts though this is on very rare occasions. (there we go.. wad i say??)
If you have a roving eye forget it because Taurus have can take the cake when it comes to being possessive. ( hahaok.. this IS true.. hahaha i get jeaous damn easily.. but i shoul,dnt.. hmm bad bad ado..)
They can be suffocating when being possessive about you.( ok.. bad.. sigh.. hahah ah well... cest la vie..)

1. WHAT SHADE OF HAIR DO YOU HAVE?:

a. DARK [ it is.. a dark blondish....]
- sexy [whoa.. wad hte hell??]

2. IF YOU WERE OUT ON A DATE WOULD YOU WANT TO:

b. GO OUT TO EAT[ yeah man.. its called PRIVACY]
-romantic[ah. ok.. sweeett..]

3. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR OUT OF:

d. SEA-FOAMGREEN[ for some reason this colour reminds me of my eyes...]
-horny[ oh how nice.. im HORNY!! YEAH BABY YEAH!! hahahha my foot lah..]

4. PICK YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIE OUT OF:

b. SKATING[ the only thing i can do...]
-determined[ ah. ok.. not bad...]

5. IF YOU COULD PICK A STORE BETWEEN THESE WHICH WOULD YOU PICK?:

a. OLD NAVY [ i got like tons of their clothes... in my wardrobe.. the only thing my mom buys for me.. hehe..]
-preppy[ a wad?? wads preppy??]

6. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE STATE OUT OF:

b. FLORIDA[ they got CROCS man.. CROCS!!!]
-party time in the Heat [ ah. ok. party?? hmm. no thanks...]

7. IN THE SUMMER WOULD YOU RATHER GO TO:

a. THE BEACH[ its called SUMMER for a REASON]
-tan likes the sun [ ah.. wad? ok.. im real confused.hm...]

8. WHATS YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH?
e. May[ like i can help it?]
- chills a lot [ chills like.. wad?/ ice?? or hang out chill?]

9. WOULD YOU RATHER:
b. GO OUT WITH FRIENDS [ yeah.. i found out that hanging t doing NOTHING is actually quite FUN. hahah]
-crazy[ ah. well. why doesnt that surprise me??]

10. NAME A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
Jeremy.[ like dude, hes my best guy frend man...]
-That person will fall in love with you!!!!! [ HAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAH]

thus ending on a high note :D take care ya all kay? hahaha.. i doubt many actually described the true me but then again.. wad is true me eh? hahaha

the THINGS people come up with... RIDICULOUS.

2006-09-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

i really cannot believe humans sometimes.. i cant believe myself all the time.. so thats no surprise.. i really think im an alien.. you gotta check this out esp if you havent seen it.. like uh.. wad the hell??

Article 1:

Statement of Love:
The Kiss

1.
Kiss on the hand
I adore you (haha and i thought ppl only did this in the PAST.. but ah well.. we are traditionalists at heart :D )

2.
Kiss on the cheek
I just want to be friends (oh really???? hmmmm....)

3.
Kiss on the neck
I want you (i should say so.. aint it going a BIT too far?? all that necking.. hmmm..)

4.
Kiss on the lips
I love you ( ah. and you mean to say no other kiss will do? really.. ppl amaze me..)

5.
Kiss on the ears
I am just playing ( that has GOT to be tickleish.. have you tried sticking hair near ppls ears?? that TICKELS!!)

6.
Kiss anywhere else
lets not get carried away ( HAHA. oh yeah.. i dont even want to IMAGINE.)

7.
Look in your eyes
kiss me (oh? are you seroius? im gonna have to walk about with my eyes closed then..)

8.
Playing with your hair
I can't live without you ( haha .. actually, thats kinda sweet :D)

9.
Hand on your waist
I love you to much to let you go (or around the shoulders.. haha )

Article 2:
The Three Steps

1.
Girls:
If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him. ( real tight. REAL tight. )

2.
Guys
If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good. ( this is one HELL of a contradiction. read above to get the REAL truth for heaven sake)

3.
Guys & Girls
Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare. ( hahahahhahhahhahahahha)

Article 3:
The Commandments

1.
Thou shall not squeeze
too hard. (uh.. just a qn... squeeze wad?)

2.
Thou shall not ask for a kiss,
but take one. ( and take one... okay...)

3.
Thou shall kiss
at every opportunity. (HAHA. rite. Riiiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt)

i like this. i really do

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form
a more perfect kiss,
enable the mighty hug to promote
to whom we please
but one kiss.

very nice. :D very very nice. hehehehe. i love it! haha :D and you too!!

y-o-u

2006-09-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

"Last night
I looked up at the stars
and matched each one with a reason
why I love you.
I was doing great,
but then
I ran out of stars."

And especially in Singapore,
where the sky
is so bright
you can only see
so many stars.
But,
i love you
MORE.

mr math response:

2006-09-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

math:ah. well sweetie, you are gonna need me for your money business. you know that dont you?

me: i cant give a DAMN. i will live in the amazon basin!!! if its still tehre. and i wont even EVER have to look at you EVER again. and i SOOO wont need money there.ill deal in BANANAS.

math: oh please. i promise itll be ok. pls dont go...

me: math, FACE IT. i take THREE steps to understan you while others take only ONE. do you know how stooopid and SLOW you make me FEEL??? esp with other ppl ... worst of all TEACHERS. they give me that sad understanding smile and i feel so STOOPID. erguh. i hate you. get lost

math: no response.

and so. i end my relationship with MATH. i HATE you math. go AWAY.

mr math.

2006-09-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

mr math. i am sorry. but this is a formal notification of our separation. yes i know. we have been through many ups and downs. and it all started with 1+1=2.

i am not so sure i can even believe you now when you say that. how do you KNOW 1+1=2? i really cannot trust you anymore. therefore i have decided that we should file for a separation. and maybe in the future, for a divorce.

from that nice start off with your catchy pick up line of 1+1=2, it just went down hill from there. you know it, dont deny it. it took a very dedicated ms chua, the wonderful inspiring teacher of primary 2E of Marymount convent primary school to provide the therapy and councelling sessions to patch up our rocky relationship. and yet, no matter how good it looked after that councelling session, it was really torn apart.remember your mother-in-law abacus? i really hate her. yes im sorry. after 11 years of marriage im finally telling you that i happen to HATE your mother-in-law. i really do.i cant stand her. and now, i cant stand YOU. who gives a damn? you have so many adoring fans after you, yes i know that, but im NOT one of them. i bet you had affairs with a couple of them didnt you? i knew it. especially during that break between primary 6 and secondary one. after giving me the time of my life with an A for my PSLE, you went off gavallanting with some freaking brunette didnt you? i know. ms science. oooo youve always been giving her the googly eyes.

and then wad happens? i go for my own therapy. sec 2, sec 3 and sec 4. all your mistresses. ms yap, mrs chua, ms wong. hopeless. i went for my councelling session. thank god for mei hui. she really helped me pull through. and so it was okay for our decade anniversary. i got A1 in elementary and A2 in additional. BUT you were only there at that time. and now. i have NO idea where you have gone. i really dont. you are giving me trouble and today you made me break down. i hate crying over you. you are SO not worth it.

which now brings me back to my point. i want a separation. and i will get one. just you wait. one day. i will be FREEE of you. you LOUSE. erguh. i HATE you. stoopid stooopid math.

my pop ups.

2006-09-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

i have conceeded. i shall rid my blog of the pop ups. the ones that annoy the hell out of everyone. the ones that deter faizal from visiting my blog. the eight pop ups i myself need to go through before i can view my own blog. yet. wait a minute. i think... i think...

hmmmmmmmmmmm.... i am ado. a dough. my blog. its MY blog. so. what i do with it. is really my probelm rite? wrong. ppl visit. so i must be hospitable. hm.

i am in a conflict. MEybe for now i shall just change what it says. hmmm yeah. then i shall see. will ask around :D hospitable frendly blog. haha rite. full of nonsense . aha.

thirteen thought provokes

2006-08-26T09:22:00.000+08:00

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am
with you.. ( this may be true but i love you all the same...because of YOU.)

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you
cry.(maybe, but then again maybe BECAUSE the person is worth everything to you to tears are included eh?)

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.(true... never thought of that, everyone loves in a different way...)

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.(you do that alll the time..)

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing
you can't have them.(or just sitting there knowing you cant say or do anything you WANT to because of the surroundings or..just my own pride..)

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling
in love with your smile. (but what if the smile is not worth it? or you only smile cos the person falling in love with you is the one you love in the first place? wait.. im confused..)

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the
world. (you are the universe to me.)

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their
time on you.(sigh.,..too true, but then again dont waste time on anything not worth doing eh? like SCHOOL haha..)

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right
one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be
grateful.(or if we're lucky enough, we dont met so many wrong ppl till we meet that right person... wow.. lucky..)

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.(i'm gonna need to think of this everytime i say good bye)

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do
is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time
around.(oh.. but if you were careful the first time and still got hurt? sigh, life is confusing)

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and
know someone else and expect them to know you.(wad if you only know about yourself because of the person you want to know? we learn through mistakes rite??)

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.(or we could just no try?? but no. try and it will work out.forever. and eternity.)

i shall give a steffi smile =)
i'm the one who wants to be with you..

30 things a girl would die for

2006-07-30T17:19:00.000+08:00

lets see, would i die for them? hmm.. haha no, i don think id DIE for them but it would be nice. hahahahhaa. stole this off a frends post on freindster. muahhahaa. thanks sublit!!!!! hahaha

1-touch their waist (i dont think so, too freaky, maybe arm around shoulders but waist is tooooo.. touchy. hahah)

2-talk to them (hell yeah why not? hahah)

3-share secrets (well if your close sharing secrets would come naturally :D )

4-give her your jacket ( if the girl is cold. if not, whats hte point? )

5-kiss them slowly (uh.. information overload. thats uh.. disgusting. publicly displayed affection. erguh)

6-hug them (hahaha hug me and hold me and never let me go. hugs are nice. always nice)

7-hold her (as in hands? haha the comfort of having someone to hold when you're scared. feels... comforting. hahahahha)

8-laugh with her ( who wouldnt do this? honestly, its a bit obvious. haha laugh laugh. hahahahaha laughter hte best medicine :D )

9-invite her somewhere (might as well say outing or sumfni. hahah watch movie. go eat. haha wadever. its a good choice. ahahha)

10-let her be with you when your with your friends (ahhh.. unless she doesn want to be with your frends cos they scare her or...... she doesnt liek one of them and doesnt want to embarrass you. yeah. thats more likely. :D )

11-smile with her ( smiling is infectious. if you ODNT smile, there HAS to be something wrong with you. :D )

12-take pics with her ( ahha unless you both forget. but one is enough. haha :D )

13-pull her onto your lap ( uh.. ok i know someone who does that but.. uh.. ok.. no comment on this one..)

14-when she says she loves you more, deny it.
fight back ( this soudns very familiar. hahaha. only problem, she might feel like she needs to prove herself in some other way.. sigh.haha sublit thinks this is.. wads hte word.. hmmm..impossible hhaha)

15-when her friends say i love her more than you,
deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant
get to her friends. it makes her feel loved (does it? hahaha wad a weird thing to want. once again i quote sublit, she says hte love from frends is OBVIOUSLY different from a guy. hahaha i think she might be rite. :D )

16-always hug her and say i love you when you
see her ( hahaha.. so open .. hahah.. sigh.)

17-kiss her unexpectedly (unexpected. hahahha but i suppose its welcoming. hahahahhaa)

18-hug her from behind around the waist (haha a nice surprise too i guess hahahah)

19-tell her she beautiful not sexy! ( sexy means SLUT. who the HELL wants to feel like a hooker? hahaa some men just dont get it. beautiful. such a strong word. ahah pretty is sufficient. actually. looks dont matter. :D )

20-tell her the way you feel about her! ( like all hte time? hahahaha. you gotta love him man haha. :D )

21-kiss her on the lips ( uh.. oookkkk... no comment here either. and i think it would be really bad if its followed by number 5. slowly. erguh. hahaha)

22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER
stuff ( ahah this is called TREATS. something i DONT beleive in and i thnk sublit AGREES with me. haha. if I eat it. i PAY. got it? hahaa)

23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD (wad the hell does this mean? wad feels good? good for who?? the ants?? ahhahha )

24-make her feel loved ( ah. well. hahaha. i think its hte same for anyone who loves someone. DUH. ahahahha yeah well. kinda obvious.ahaha )

25-buy them stuff. like small things can still help (OR. notes. letters. phone calls. not EVERYTHIGN has to do with money. isnt that the truth? haha )

26-don't lie to her ( uh. yeah? i suppose shed slaughter you. unless. u had a good reaosn. hahahha)

27-dont cheat on her ( this is just calling for the world to fall on ur head. its called girl back up and a DEATH wish. girls have GIRLFRENDS hahaha. loyal ones like ME. hahahaha rite....)

28-take her anywhere she wants ( wad if i want to go to the moon huh?? watcha gonna do about that huh?!?!?! and mr smart ass dont go say ing : oh i know. kiss her nad she flies to the moon. haha this person who made this list has NO idea what hes talking baout. hahaha)

29-txt messege her in the morning and tell her
have a good day at school, and how much you
miss her (or at the end of hte day can also. ask how hte day was and wads nots. haha always helps :D )

30-be there for her when ever she needs you, &
even though she doesn't need you just be there
so
she'll know that she can always count on you ( sigh. you just gotta give it up for love. amazing what it can do.hahaha but its oh so true. honestly.)

sigh. haha. the person who made this list is smart. but. to a certain extent. i think there are somethings that should be included. like well. mmm

1. email when your away. even short messages to let her know that your still there and thinking of her.

2. call her when something might seem wrong. talking it out always helps.

3. sublit says: do NOT be perssured in to doing stuff that is stated in teh list above. some girls like her dont give a damn about it. different girls have different ways of being pleased. somethings not stated. like. for her: rub noses. omg that is so cute. i want to try that!!!! haha some day in the future. hahaha

4. be yourself. haha. i quote: its the beauty that captures teh attention but the personality that captures the heart. gosh i feel like swooning. no wiser words ever said. ahha.

5. me bestie sheens says: be honest. i say its hte same as not telling lies nad the same as telling how you feel. but she says.
no, there s a difference
no telling lies could mean telling white lies and not exactly being truthful
being honest means to tell them the truth without telling them lies
if u think there is something wrong with the girl, ask her what s wron and ask if there s anything u can do to help

so there you have it. hahaha. well done dough. hahahahahahhaa. the doughnut has spoken. WAIT. not YET!! hahaha

I LOVE YOU!!! muahahha. noone can guess. or WILL guess. unless you are in teh know. hahahahaha i feel so evil.

One Liners

2006-07-26T20:09:00.000+08:00

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

Four years ago . . . No, it was yesterday. Today I . . . No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I . . . No, I don't.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.

It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings . . . Boy With Pail . . . Kitten On Fire.

One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl."

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables. I was clearing them for take off. I had them all lined up outside. People thought it was an outdoor cafe. I said, "No, these are leaving at 3." They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get dirty.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close.

If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.

I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs on Mars?" When no one laughed, I was real embarrassed. I don't think people should make you feel that way.

Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.

One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.

It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother

laughter. we need it. or at least i do.

2006-07-26T20:08:00.000+08:00

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. ~Woody Allen

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston

Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit. ~Author Unknown

Mirth is God's medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. ~Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts," Saturday Night Live

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings

Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle

What monstrous absurdities and paradoxes have resisted whole batteries of serious arguments, and then crumbled swiftly into dust before the ringing death-knell of a laugh! ~Agnes Repplier

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. ~Victor Borge

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter. ~Gordon W. Allport

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~Yiddish Proverb

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other. ~Alan Alda

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart

A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. ~Puzant Kevork Thomajan

There can never be enough said of the virtues, dangers, the power of a shared laugh. ~Françoise Sagan

I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, "Ain't that the truth." ~Quincy Jones

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. ~Henri Bergson

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. ~Max Eastman

A man isn't poor if he can still laugh. ~Raymond Hitchcock

Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food. ~Anna Fellows Johnston

No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad. ~Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus, Book I, chapter 4

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. ~Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die. ~Abraham Lincoln

A good, real, unrestrained, hearty laugh is a sort of glorified internal massage, performed rapidly and automatically. It manipulates and revitalizes corners and unexplored crannies of the system that are unresponsive to most other exercise methods. ~Author unknown, from an editorial in New York Tribune, quoted in Quotations for Special Occasions by Maud van Buren

Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing. ~Ken Kesey

It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. ~Author Unknown

Seven days without laughter makes one weak. ~Mort Walker

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. ~Victor Hugo

[L]aughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. ~Hugh Sidey

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. ~Josh Billings

Carry laughter with you wherever you go. ~Hugh Sidey

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. ~Arnold Glasow

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense. ~Author Unknown

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. ~Joseph Heller

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

my favourite reel couples

2006-07-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

From down with love
barbara and catch

from drive me crazy
chase and nicole

from 10 things i hate about you
kat and pat

from bring it on
torrance and cliff

from oceans twelve
tess and danny ocean

from the mask of zorro
elena and zorro

from american outlaws
jesse james and zerelda

from what a girl wants
daphne and ian

from harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban
hermione and ron

thats it so far. there are TONs of my favourites only .. well.. its kinda hard to get a pic of two of them together. muahaha.

The boy i fell in love with.

2006-07-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

My pathetic attempt at writing a poem. To make it rhyme, yet come straight from the heart.Written at 12 midnight abouts there on my pillow in the freaking dark.

The boy i fell in love with is grander than a king
The boy i fell in love with is better than ANYTHING.
The boy i fell in love with his smile is ever so bright
The boy i fell in love with makes my heart feel so light
The boy i fell in love with for me he's always there
The boy i fell in love with he's perfect beyond compare
The boy i fell in love with can never do me wrong
The boy i fell in love with fills my life with song
The boy i fell in love with one look and i'm in love
The boy i fell in love with was sent by God above
The boy i fell in love with my love for him still grows
The boy i fell in love with for his part he'll never know
The boy i fell in love with one word and i'm okay
The boy i fell in love with he'll never find out; no way!
The boy i fell in love with understands what i go through
The boy i fell in love with well that boy just happens to be YOU.

It might seem silly because it is made to rhyme but its TRUE. and, well, to say so quite frankly. it's the first time i've managed to make my feelings RHYME. not bad, if i say so myself.:D oh brother. now it's time to shield myself from reactions.

2006-07-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

i figured that if i add one more post, i can get rid of the really really long posts.haha so this is just an inserting post.

2006-07-11T21:40:00.000+08:00

OOO OH GOODY GOODY!!! i have a TAGBOARD!! this is so interesting!! its actually quite FUN! ahhahaa. but its all the BLOODY way at the BOTTOM! so ppl have to scroll down. does anyone know how to adjust the frame size so that it can be higher up? haha leave a TAG! oo this is FUN!:D

men vs. women: the BRAIN

2006-06-30T22:44:00.000+08:00

this is good. a picture speaks a thousand words. this would be 2 thousand:D

being a parent

2006-06-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

i have never cared for children.saying this i mean havnig your own kids. i'm afraid of making a BRAT of them. a spoiled brat. no point making horrible people in this world. so dont have them.perfect solution. however. others OBVIOUSLY think otherwise. ahhaa. like this person who wrote this.

men's thoughts

2006-06-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

what men think about. i think this is a PERFECT summary of the TRUTH. statistics prove that men think of sex once every eight mins. i wonder how they managed to find out?

answering machines

2006-06-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep

"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished."

I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply

Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):
I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your
name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.

"Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."

"Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you
guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..."

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak
up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message.
BEEP."

You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"

This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. BEEP!

Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP!

These words are lovely dark and deep
But I've got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.

Hey, it's ________
Sorry you can't get through
Leave your name and your number
And I'll get back to you

Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine .

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future....

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after and we tell each other everything.
Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

Ask not for whom the bell tolls,

Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.

Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Bullwinkle Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Rocky: Again? Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! [Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.]

Bullwinkle: Must have been a wrong number. Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.

Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!

Comrades! Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn that your unit has re-established communications. The entire staff is currently busy discussing forthcoming operations with other units, but if you leave your unit name and how we may reach you, Chief of Staff Sterrett will contact you as soon as possible to discuss your concerns.

Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone. Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone.

Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?

Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Heaven, God speaking...

Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere. So... Leave your name and number and tell us where YOU saw Elvis!

Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera.

Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day.

Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back—only that I won't.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.

Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Hello, this is John’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.

Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?

Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.

Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress.

BEEP Hello, this is WVKE, you're on the air.

Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower? (The most common response: "Well, sure, but my neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle elephants.")

Hello, we are unable to come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number unless of course you are a salesman or trying to solicit money.

Hello, you have reached the _______ family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping.

Hello, you have reached the _______'s residence; we cannot reach the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep. (Then you find something that makes a beeping sound, and make the beep sound, then wait 5 seconds, until they start talking, then make another beep, and do that over and over.)

Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your name), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.

Hello, you've reached 555-1552, the Apartment at the End of the Universe. Please leave your message, name and number at the sound of the tone. Keep your hands, feet, extremities, and obscenities inside the car at all times. Enjoy your ride.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?

Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)

Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?

Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...

Hi this is ____'s machine. My name is (pause) well that's not important. (Pause) Ya know it gets very lonely being here all day. (Pause) maybe you could stay and talk. (Pause) please talk to me after the beep, please talk to me after the beep ........... BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi this is Andrew. If you are an ex-girlfriend, suck it up and move on. If not, I do have a life that is obviously being used so leave a message and if I have time, ill try to squeeze you in.

Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didn’t send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

hi you've reached the home of (name) also known as 007 agents if you get this machine we are probably saving the world this tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP)

Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of a paper bag exploding.)

Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?

Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Jane and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep.

Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else.(Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks

Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.

Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.

Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine. If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys. If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)

Hi, this is you know who and I'm not you know where, so please leave a

Hi, you have reached _(phone number)__ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?

Hi, you have reached Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Show me the message!

Hi, you know the drill.

Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.

Hi. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.

Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I'll play my messages. Please leave one.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!

I am not home to talk to you, But please don't be a creep. Just leave your name and number, At the sound of the...

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey—that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you

I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. And I will call you back.
If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number...

If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother’s maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep.

I'm gone.

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message?

I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity.

In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
is so much better & that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a

Just put on a recording of a busy signal.

Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...

Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

let the machine get it.

like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible .

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval. Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak, his "Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72."
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color.

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...

Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name...

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Susan and I are not here right now. We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you.

Thank you for calling 555-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!

Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not... er... Bear a... er... Shalt not witness thy... uh... Neighbor's ass, Oh, I mean, false... er... Shalt not commit a bear... Dern...

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day.

Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.

Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.

These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.

This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP

This is 321-1234, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do FOR you.

This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

This is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air...

This is Fred. We are not... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.

This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone, sing "Vesti la Giubba" and "La Donna e Mobile."

This is the National Security Emergency Password Notification Network. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today's password. Today's password is "baby booties."

This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs.
to get away from you!"

Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks they dialed long distance.)

voice synth software, that way, it sounds even more like

WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.

We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually.

Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back... (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. After that we'll play your requests. Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in, given programming constraints. Thank you for listening to our show.

You have reached 555-1234. This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do.

You have reached 555-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to

leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.

You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers.

None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.

You have reached our secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back. But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment. However, your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the new order. Long groblint the ultimate blenstron.

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.

You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.

you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,

You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call u back, when your not home.

You've reached the B&D Hotline. All our operators are tied up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance.

(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?

(Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams:) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic. (Raspy gasp.) We can't come to the phone right now because we're making a couple of adjustments. (Break a few small twigs; big scream.) Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible. Thank you very much.

(Drawling granny voice:) Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a message. Thanks a lot.

(Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 555-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message.

(French monologue in the background:) Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".
(From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!

(Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister. You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. Please speak loudly, clearly, and in tongues.

(Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.

(In a good Australian accent:) G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

(In British voice) Hello! I'll be eating lunch on my yacht, but I might be able to clear my schedule if you’d like to do something.... leave me a pleasant message after the beep.

(In Joe Friday voice:) This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. Thank you.
(In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Hi...

You've just reached Sharon's Pleasure Palace. We're all busy as I'm sure you can tell, but when we're done... we'll get back to you in whatever way we can.

(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.)

(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)

(Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room:") "I ain't home, I ain't home, you better leave a message 'cause I ain't home."
(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

(Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

(Militaristic mechanical voice:) FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!

(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

(Ominous electronic background music:) In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by? SINT MIHI DEI ACHERONTIS PROPITII...

(Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.

(or)

(Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":) You have reached 555-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")

(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

(Sinister organ music:) Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. (Angelic "Hallelujah!") Or number two, suffer eternal damnation. (Horrid death scream.) You decide.

(Stoned, slow voice:) Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.

(Sultry female voice:) Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of Delights. We would be delighted if you would leave your name, number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong way...

(Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.

(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor...

(Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag.

(To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign. Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message... (To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music:) I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP

(To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana:) Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.

(US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.

(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

(Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":) We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

(With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What?

(With strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.

(Woman, seductively:) Hi, I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to... (Interrupting:) Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone... (Ask them to leave a message.)

[Classical music in background, slow stoned voice] Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? ...

[Deadpan voice] Hi, This is Dave. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

[Drunken voice] You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!

[In a bored voice] Heaven, God speaking...

[in a computer generated voice] Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.

[in a computer generated voice] Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.

[Lots of phone pick-up noise] Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number, I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

[Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice] Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

[Must have good Australian accent] G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

[Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massage—my shoulders really could use it, and... What? You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn....

[Star Trek theme in the background] [Voice 1] Room 17, the final frontier. [Voice 2] These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two-semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. [Voice 3] To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

[Very fast] Hi, this is 555-5555. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

[Voice 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [Voice 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be
right with you.
suicide hotline please hold
Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
You have reached 555-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
Hi. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. Now you say something.
Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
(From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
let the machine get it.
Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.
Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.
Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible .
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.(TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can..
(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
(or)
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.
(After a power outage:) Hi, this is Ralph. The good news is that my power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is my answering machine. So, leave a message.
(Start, low pitch, slow:) Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy... (Middle, normal:) ...home of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike. Nobody's home... (Later, high pitch, fast:) ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen...(End, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish:).kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP.
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell .
Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. But hey, call me Mike .
(US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. .
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right....real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
This answering machine has been connected to a 5,000 volt power supply that has been wired to this small kitten (pathetic mewing). If you don't leave a message, Fluffy here gets it. The choice is yours.
Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
"Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?" (silence...beep)
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.
A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future....
I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72....
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

Hi, you've reached __'s answering machine. ___ isn't home right now,
but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close
and we tell each other everything.
(woman taped off a "phone sex" service) WOMAN : (seductively) Hi. I'm
Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model.
Sometimes I just have to ... YOU : (interrupting) Oh c'mon, Linda, give
me the damn phone... (then ask for a message)
You have reached the number which you have dialled.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,
like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

Hi, this is you know who and I'm not you know where, so please leave a
message after you know what.
You've reached the home of the greatest psychic on earth. Since I
already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after
the beep tone.
Hi, you know the drill.
Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?
(After a final short pause) Well, whatever, I'm not home anyways, so
please leave a message after the beep.
"Speak, worm!" (beep) Works best if done in a Darth Vader voice.
Just put on a recording of a busy signal.
The number you have dialled, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 is no longer in service, the
new number is 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 (exact same number). -- try getting some
voice synth software, that way, it sounds even more like
the phone company.

hi you've reached the home of (name) also known as 007 agents if you get this machine we are probably saving the world this tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP)

You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call u back, when your not home.

Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?

HI SORRY WE CANT COME TO THE PHONE...WE'RE ALL GETTING DRUNK.IF YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS WE SOBER UP.....(IN THE BACK GROUND LAUGHTER...SUCKED IN!)

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

"Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep."

Hi, you have reached Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Show me the message!

If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother’s maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep.

Susan and I are not here right now. We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you.

Oh my, my life is so boring as an answering machine. My owners life
is so much better & that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a
message and I'll THINK about giving it to the owners.

Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else.(Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks

Hi, you have reached _(phone number)__ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?

Hey, it's ___
Sorry you can't get through
Leave your name and your number
And I'll get back to you

Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine

Hello, we are unable to come to the phone right now.
Please leave your name and number unless of course you
are a salesman or trying to solicit money.

Hello, you have reached the _______'s residence; we cannot reach the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep. (Then you find something that makes a beeping sound, and make the beep sound, then wait 5 seconds, until they start talking, then make another beep, and do that over and over.)

"Hi, I'm not here right now. The reason that I'm gone is because I'm trying
to get away from you!"

Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)

* In British voice* Hello! I'll be eating lunch on my yacht, but I might be able to clear my schedule if you’d like to do something.... leave me a pleasant message after the beep.

Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your name), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.

Sorry were not here to lend an ear so leave a word and you'll be heard

Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are
misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didn’t send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you

Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)

I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message?

taglines

2006-06-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
I fought the lawn, and the lawn won!
Life in a vacuum sucks
You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing..
Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up.

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Conserve energy... fart in a jar
Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!

Taglines

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.
Where there's smoke, you'll find my wife cooking dinner.
Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.
Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.
Me, Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
I was only looking at your name tag, honest.
Quick, call a witch doctor! My witch is sick.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Endless Love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

Forget the Joneses. I can't keep up with the Simpsons.
Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2.
For Sale: Taliban rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
* Elayne Boosler
Dont hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful!
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!
Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
Smile, everyone loves a moron.
My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!
My computer NEVER cras...DOH!.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?
Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.
My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!.
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
Drunk!...naught me - I'm Serfectly Pober Occifer!
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now!
Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it!
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!.
Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it!
Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress!
Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...
My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.
No amount of planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!
I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--ahhhhhhhhhh.
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Happiness is your Mother-In-Law's Picture on the Back of a Milk Carton.
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
The two most dangerous things in the world: A Pollock with a computer and a programmer with a screwdriver.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.
Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.
Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
Death is life's way of telling you - you're fired.
Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there.
Where there's a will, there's an attorney.

When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
What would have happened if Kuwait's main product was broccoli?
Save Water. Take a bath with your neighbor's wife!
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Is it possible to be a closet claustrophobic?
Don't take life so seriously... It's not permanent!
An authority: someone who knows lots of things you could care less about.
A friend in need is a pest indeed!
My mother: A travel agent for guilt trips.

!Scixelsyd Etinu. [Read Backwards]
Eat american lamb...ten million coyotes can't be wrong!
Not all men are fools...some are bachelors!
No matter where you go, there you are. Huh?
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right!
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Computer Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in!
Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector.
Penalty for bigamy: Two mothers-in-law. OUCH!
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Confusion: A hungry baby in a topless bar.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap!
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work!
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!
If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.
Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved children? He just adored the platter of little feet..
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back!
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't.
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back!
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking!
In the immortal words of an art history major: Do ya want fries with that?
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Taglines

Of course I'm in shape. Isn't Round a shape?
Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap.
Elevators smell different to midgets.
"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."
"The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win you're still a rat."
--Lily Tomlin.
"F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!"
"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib."
--Woody Allen

"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce."
--Don Quinn.
"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.".
"The decision is maybe and that's final!"
"Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.".
"Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.".
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."
"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"
--Seinfeld.
"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.".
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.".
The trick to flying is throwing yourself at the floor and missing.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
"We are the suckiest bunch of suckers that ever sucked!"
- Homer Simpson.
She is not old … just well marinated.
-Heinlein.
For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Mental backup in progress-Do Not Disturb!.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met..
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely..
The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
FACT: No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program..
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts..
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity..

Death is like God's way of saying, your table is ready..
And on the eighth day God said, "O.K. Murphy. You take over.".
Suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth -- reboot universe? (Y/N)
If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking, "Do you want fries with that?"
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?.
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Who were the beta-testers for Preparations A through G?
Boycott shampoo!!! Demand True poo!
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!
You’ll never have a nervous breakdown, but you sure are a carrier!
Protect your bagels, put lox on them.
When man discovered milk came from cows, what did he THINK he was doing?
Definition of gun control: use both hands.
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ??
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear..
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a disjointed pinocchio..
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die!.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles..
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem..
Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?.
I am not weird, it's just that everyone else is..
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed!.
If crimefighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?.
When it comes to your health, I recommend frequent doses of that rare commodity among Americans—common sense.
When you are down and out something always turns up—and it is usually the noses of your friends.

A diplomat’s life is made up of three ingredients: protocol, Geritol and alcohol.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
SON: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
FATHER: "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man. - Lana Turner
A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
- Abba Eban
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.

A day without sunshine is like night.
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
A free agent is anything but.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.
A stagnant science is at a standstill.

A theory is better than its explanation.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford Beer
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
For every problem, there is a neat, plain solution...and it is always wrong.
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Free advice costs nothing until you act upon it.
Free time which unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted.
Freud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.
Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration.
Geologists do not dress for success unless they are trying to convince others that they are going on interviews.
There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.
There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is always one more bug.
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
There is nothing so habit-forming as money.

The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for what they don't want.
The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!
The two greatest causes of system failures are sysadmins and users. If you can keep both of these groups away from your machines, the reliability increases dramatically.
The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
The trick is to stop thinking it is 'your' money. - IRS auditor
The trouble with life is that it's a do-it-yourself kit without instructions.
There is never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
Any change looks terrible at first.
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented. - Dogbert, in Scott Adams' "Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business.
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first.
Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
Any line, however short, is still too long.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
Always hire a rich attorney.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
Ambiguity is invariant..
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator. - Claude Shouse
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening..

Good crowd...good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape... Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!"
"My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens."
"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."

"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
Say no, then negotiate.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without.

The first time is for love, the next time is $200.
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
The hardness of the butter is in inverse proportion to the softness of the bread.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you understand it, it is obsolete.
If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.
It works better if you plug it in.
If you want to get along, go along.
If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.
Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Indifference is the only sure defense.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Is there life before coffee?.

It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
It's always the wrong time of the month.
It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
It's better to retire too soon than too late.
It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
It's Good Enough For Government Work.
It's Not My Job!
It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.
It's out of my control.
Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do..
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.
May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.
May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.
May you never leave your marriage alive.

silly quotes

2006-06-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Boys make good pets!

Princess in training!

At least I can still smoke in my car

Caution, Blind Man Driving.

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan

"No BLOOD no foul."

"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"

"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough

Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

Silence is silver, but music is gold...

Lifes Tough, get a helmet!

loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Ax Me About Ebonics.

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?

GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE.

All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

"i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car"

Roadhead cures Roadrage...

Tell your girlfriend I said thanks

" WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. "

normal people worry me

you say physco like it's a bad thing

those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do

This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.

Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas.

"Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don't let anyone take it away from you ever." ~ Holly Marie Combs

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all

"my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me."

"it takes a player to shoot a shot.. but it takes a team to win a game " - penny anae

everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE

Anger is one letter short of danger.

One death is one too many.

Life's not all bad. Look into somebody's eyes, you'll see that they're a person just like you, they also have good and bad feelings, hopes and dreams.

If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.

Lots of things change...lots of them don't...but the fact that I love you...that will always stay the same.

"I'm going to live life or die trying"

im sugar and spice and everything nice if u wanna mess with me u better think twice

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

"We didn’t lose.....we just ran out of time"~unknown

"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

"You will be aroused by a shampoo comercial."--Homer J. Simpson

If you die, I'll kill you!"

There are some days when I just don't feel like talking.. Today is that day.

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

"Find a guy that adores you and not one that you adore!!" MOM

Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when you don't want them to be

"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"

"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.

"When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!".
Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.

Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.

" Look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don’t look side to side for information".

You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try. - Homer J. Simpson.

"Is tuna really Chicken?" - Jessica Simpson, after reading "Tuna, Chicken of the sea"

"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down." –Anonymous

"Dying is just natures way of saying 'Hey! Your not alive anymore!'"

Roses are red, violets are blue, please flush the toilet, after you.

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."

"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous" -unknown

"I'll kill you until you die!!"

"They misunderestimated me!" -George W. Bush"

"I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to!"

"Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus"

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"

"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!!

"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it."

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

Thank-you for visiting reality, come again........... Now entering your life, welcome

The entire world's a stage; I didn't get cast!

Consciousness- that annoying time between naps

Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them

"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"

I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face!

"God made mud, God made dirt, God made guys so girls could flirt!"

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons!

For you are crunchy
And taste good with ketchup

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

It takes 42 muscels to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and
say bite me in a bitchy tone!

Every morning is the dawn of a new error

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved

Dain bramaged

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

Beware of programmers who carry screwdriver

OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

A Laundromat:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHING WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

All your base are belong to us

May the smile on your face
Come straight from your heart

Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry

Maybe this world is another planet's hell

A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans

Most good judgement comes from experience.
Most experience comes from bad judgement.

You can't cheat an honest man

One slip, and down the hole we fall
It seems to take no time at all

Does the noise in my head bother you?

I know a million ways
To always pick the wrong thing to say

I must be an acrobat
To talk like this and act like that

Every rose has its thorn.

Sister Luck is screaming somebody else's name

It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help

It's no secret that a liar won't believe in anyone elser

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."
- Douglas Adams.

"Unus, sed leo!" [One, but a lion!]
- Aisopos (Fabulae 194).

"»Stay« is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
- Bronson Allcott.

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
- Dave Barry.

"Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."
- M. Berle.

"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
- George Burns.

"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less."
- Nicholas Murray Butler.

"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."
- W.C. Fields.

"When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?"
- Douglas Gauck.

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J.P. Getty.

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening.

"I'm gonna live forever, or die trying."
- Joseph Heller (Catch 22).

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
- Benny Hill.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."
- Kin Hubbard.

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."
- Hubert Humphrey.

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- Carl Gustav Jung.

"I dress up for weddings, funerals and fine steakhouses."
--Dan Daly .

"Clean laundry helps the confidence level, which helps the self image, which helps um, you win games, which makes you rich, which leads to greed, which leads to more money!!!, Which causes immense spending, which then triggers high anxiety, which causes a heart attack at the age of 31 and puts you in a coma for 10 years while you lose all of your money and you start at the beginning again!"
--Benjer Petersen

"If it's about computers... it can wait!"
--Rachel Halladay

"Don't spend your life as a pretty bitch... God will send you back nice and ugly!"
--Fritz

"I had gone searching for the truth, and found facts instead. I hate that."
--Anonymous

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."
--Steven Wright .

"This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it."
--unknown

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening.

"Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon."
--Sir Humphrey Appleby.

"You'll earn thousands of dollars daily by doing nothing."
--Found on a piece of paper in a Fortune Cookie .

Silly Quotes

In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots.
--Kaa's Law

"Some people look at jerky and say, 'Why?' I look at jerky and say, 'Mmm! Jerky!'.

In our view, everybody is a potential partner -- until they shoot at us."
- AOL CEO Steve Case.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Pablo Picasso

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window
--Steve Wozniak

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income.
(With thanks to John Pettitt and Ed O'Connell)

It happens. Sometimes people just explode. Natural causes.
from Repo Man

What if this weren't a hypothetical question?

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne

"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet"
--Al Gore

"Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite." "
- Dan Quayle.

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." .
--Ronald Reagan

"My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." --President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back."
- Abraham Lincoln.

"640k ought to be enough for anybody." .
-- Bill Gates in 1981

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."
--Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." .
basepall player Pedro Guerrero on reporters

"We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics." .
Bob Ojeda, baseball pitcher

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
Yogi Berra, baseball catcher and manager

"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win."
-- Doug Collins, basketball commentator

"The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
--David Garcia

"We have only one person to blame, and that's each other."
--Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl.

Go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger!

"A person knows he has found his true love when they call that person and say: Honey, I just killed someone. And that persons response is: where do we hide the body?"

~"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex...worst 15 minutes of my life.

Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

If you need space join NASA baby

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts -- Tre Cool of Green Day

If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put them all there?

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color!

I am nobody... nobody is perfect... I must be perfect then..

The best thing about Alzheimer’s is : You can hide your own Easter eggs. - Gramps

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. HOWEVER...the roses are dead, the violets are wilting, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT

Why can't I attract men like crazy, Instead of crazy men

"Beer, getting ugly people laid since 1700"

If you want breakfast in bed.........sleep in the kitchen

No matter what road we take we'll always end up in the same place.

"I hear voices, and they don't like you"

"Buy me another drink, because your still ugly"

"I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me there."

"It's not attention deficit disorder, I'm not just not listening to you."

Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but teach him how and he'll sit on his
ass staring at the fishing pole trying to decide what to do

Cancel my subscription cause I don’t need your issues

As you slide down the banister of life, may your ass collect many splinters

"Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it makes you walk funny." ~ Katherine Carpenter

I wish I were a little kid again. Skinned Knees are easier to heal than broken hearts!!!

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

The more I get to know boys the more I like dogs

I have a life; it's just on lay-a-way at K-Mart!

God made the sea
god made the ocean
God needed a goddess
so he made me!!

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light and dark side, and it binds the universe together

Giant oaks DO grow from little acorns. But first you must have an acorn.

Silence is Golden, but shouting is fun.

When your a fat little kid, there are no more see-saws...only catapults

The World Is Full Of Asses Your Just The Biggest

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

"If you cant dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull"

"Life is a role of toilet paper; long and useful"

The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver is this: A bad golfer goes **WHACK** DANG! A bad skydiver goes DANG! **WHACK**"

"I love humanity. It's people I can't stand."

"Anybody here who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."

All my hard work has boiled down to two things "May I take your order" and "Would you like fries with that"

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
and all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men...
ate scrambled eggs for 2 weeks

Born in heaven, raised in hell

A heart is not a plaything
A heart is not a toy
But if u want it broken
Just give it to a boy

Beauty is just a light switch away!

Auntie ‘Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, taking the dog ~Dorothy

"I am not short, I just don't have to bend down as far"

I have the body of a god... unfortunately its Buddha -Abigail Silverman-

"Time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana."

If you are going to send someone to save the world, make sure they like it
the way it is. - Xander in the movie XXX

things to think about

2006-06-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend

the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.

In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children

more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

"Kids Takes On Life"

2006-06-08T20:38:00.000+08:00

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." - Del, age 6

"Shake your hips and hope for the best." - Camille, age 9

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there." - Manuel, age 8

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." - Alonzo, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." - Bart, age 9

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE? "Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold ... Other people care more about the food." - Bart, age 9

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9

"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9

TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" - Arnold, age 10

"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" - Larry, age 8

"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" - Eddie, age 6

"'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm with My Friends.'" - Bob, age 9

"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'" - Will, age 7

"'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo on My Mind.'" - Sharon, age 9

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU" "The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." - Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat." - Dick, age 7

HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED? "I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." - Gina, age 8

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS "You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls." - Julia, age 7

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." - Brian, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day." - Carin, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? "When they're rich." - Pam, age 7

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you ... That's why I stopped doing it." - Tammy, age 10

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her any time. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." - Roger, age 6

"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it." - Bart, age 9

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." - Dick, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love." - Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." - Dave, age 8

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." - Natalie, age 9

Southern Grandma

2006-06-08T19:50:00.000+08:00

Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a question

if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern Small-Town Prosecuting Attorney

called his first witness.

A Grandmotherly, Elderly Woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.

I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,

you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on

your Wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them

behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't

the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more

than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,

he pointed across the room and asked,

"Mrs. Jones, do you know the Defense Attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley

since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he

has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship

with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the

entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his Wife

with three different Women.

One of them was your Wife.

Yes, I know him."

The Defense Attorney almost died.

The Judge asked both Counselors to approach the bench and,

in a very quiet voice, said,

"If either of you Idiots asks her if she knows Me,

I'll send you BOTH to the Electric Chair."

1diot

2006-05-25T22:37:00.000+08:00

Judy was having trouble with her computer. So she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

Thoughts to live by

2006-05-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.

Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

2006-05-25T21:53:00.000+08:00

Pickup lines and rebuttals...

Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a dang about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and

I think I can!"

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in back, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So, her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"

The loyal wife replied,"Listen, I'm a good Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

A man walks past a big wooden fence in front of the insane asylum and hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" in unison.

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.

Immediately, someone on the inside pokes him in the eye.

Before the man could even react to the eye-poking, the people on the other side of the fence begin a monotone chant of...

"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to, " his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I dated your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

51 ways to make your parents think your insane

2006-05-25T21:51:00.000+08:00

Follow them around the house….EVERYWHERE!

Moo when they say your name

Pretend to have amnesia

Say everything backwards

Give yourself a swirly

Run around the house with a lampshade on your head yelling “The Sun! It’s dying!”

Run into walls

Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear

Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times

Say wearing your clothes is against your religion

Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and say, “Good morning, Sunshine!”

Snort loudly when you’re laughing them laugh harder.

Run in circles

Recite a whole movie 3 times

Pretend to beat yourself up

Pluck out someone’s hair and yell “DNA”

Slither everywhere

Wear you pants on your head and wear your shirt around your waist…. and tell them you’re making a fashion statement

Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way

Talk to a pen

Have 20 imaginary friends that talk to you at the same time

Try and climb a wall

Spread out in the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly

Take your ice-cream cone and stick it one your forehead ….saying that you’re a lovely unicorn

In a public place yell “MOM/DAD I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!”

Put pegs on your nose and eyes

Do what they actually tell you

Switch the light button on and off for awhile than say “Oooh, I get it!”

Jump up and down yelling “The Monkeys re coming!”

Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal.

Eat anything obviously not edible

Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house

Hold their hands and whisper…”I see dead people”

When you shower or bathe yell “I’m DROWING”

Try to snorkel in the fish tank

Ask them really quietly “Pardon me, but do you have any… “ then yell “SHOELACES”

Chase an imaginary tail

Demand that you have own area code

At everything that say yell “LIAR!”

Pretend to be 326 years old

Hang upside down in your closet

Pretend to be a phone

Try to swim in the floor

Tap on their door ALL night

Pretend to have multiple personalities

Be yourself

YAY!!!

2006-05-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

alRIGHT! previous post does not hold to a candle anymore cos im FORGIVEN!!!!!!! WHEEE!!!!! now everything is BETTER nad im HAPPY and life just ROCKS!! alrgiht.. perusem NEXT WEEK!! AHHH!!! gonna die and die and tomorrow is GP EXAM!! oh boy.. now how brown cow? whatever floats my boat.hmm. wad a cool saying.. see. *floating away in boat* hahaha. okies.. i better stop before i start to spill over.. and go all random.hahahaa.

oww oww

2006-05-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

its sad when your heart decides to break up on you. sigh. all the blood vessels disconnect and its internal bleeding for a few days. sigh. oh dear. i think the key board is going to short circuit on me. did u know the salt in tears make the tears more conductive? electrically conductive that is. sigh. reminds me of this poem. although it does not exactly fit into context.

dancing in the rain
tears streaming down my face
you are now gone
no one can take your place
oh my throbbing heart gives me pain
dancing in the rain
ups and downs
how funny life passes like this
now i am missing you so
how i long for a last kiss
how do i stay sane
dancing in the rain
now i am full of regret
if only you could come back
i go forward alone now
but that something i will always lack
yet there's nothing to gain
dancing in the rain
i am truly sorry when i caused you pain
now you leave me
dancing in the rain

course, it's not about the above that causes me heart to break. though, it's close enough. :(

if you have heard 'last kiss', it'll make you cry. kinda reflects my mood. gosh damn it i'm a fool i could smack my self then shoot me self. yes. shoot myself. lucky we don't live in america. i'm a freaking idiot... someone smack me then tell me that when i have something i need to hold on and not act ignorant and aloof. i really need a smack. a tight smack. real tight. sigh. on the cheek. oh boy. life is getting. is getting. real, real heart breaky now. i'm to otouchy and aloof at the same time. a stuck up bitch. i need a slap.

crazy thoughts

2006-05-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?
Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
How old does something have to be to become an antique?
Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?
Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
What should one call a male ladybird?
What would you use to dilute water?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
Why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
How can you hear yourself think?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?

the 10 rules that should be drilled in to teenagers heads

2006-05-17T21:20:00.000+08:00

1. This is not a free country. Free implies that you have the right to do whatever you want, whenever you want, to whomever you want. This is a myth that has been passed down among kids forever. It ranks right up there with the myth that the police have no right to search the inside of your vehicle.

2. Pick your friends wisely. Not only can friends drag you down, but laws in this country state that if you are with a friend when they commit a crime, and you do not try to stop them, then you are just as guilty as they are. Telling the judge that you told him not to do it, will only make him laugh when we all know you we're telling him to "do it man, do it", and laughing your a off the whole time.

3. When you hop in a car with someone else, put your seatbelt on and keep your mouth shut unless you see something important. It's bad enough that you trusted your life to someone else, but now you are assuming that they can chew gum and drive at the same time. Do not even think about running from the police in a car. There is no way that you can outrun a radio. No matter where you go they will be waiting to give you the Rodney King welcome you deserve.

4. Contrary to your belief, you are not smarter than everyone else. People can figure out when you are lying, and if you slide by the first time, that just means they don't know you yet. They will though. Someday you will make the mistake of using them as a character reference for the opportunity of a lifetime.

5. If a friend ask to borrow some money, don't lend them anymore than you can afford to give them. You won't ever see that money again, but your friend will probably let you watch the big game on his new tv set that suddenly appeared.

6. If they are a true friend, then they will still be your friend after you say no. This especially applies to girls. People that stick around even when they aren't getting anything are the only people you can trust. Ronald Reagan said, "trust but verify". Guys, you should appreciate it when they check up on you, because the reality is that you probably couldn't get another girlfriend anyway, but at least now you think you can.

7. Drugs, alcohol, and smoking are not cool. When you wake up the next morning you will still be just as depressed about your life. The only differences will be that you will have less money, a hangover, and an unexpected car payment for the next 18 years. Eventually though, you might get free room and board for 10 to 20.

8. Yes, you can be an individual and express yourself in a variety of ways, but there is a limit to everything. If someone tells you "I wouldn't do that sh if i was you", then thats a pretty good indication that the law, and people in general are a little fed up with you expressing yourself.

9. You do not have the right to make other peoples lives miserable with your noise. Not everyone, including animals, have your same taste in music. It's quite obvious to me, that us oldtimers are going to have the last laugh when we walk into Burger King, and you have to hold your hand up to your ear to hear us. While I'm predicting the future, you better hope they come up with a cure for brain cancer too or those long cell phone conversations with your friends will be the last good memories you ever have.

10. This is the most important rule of all. In a democracy, there is no way to make everyone happy. The vast majority must rule. If you are not in the majority or don't believe in the American way of life, then the door is always open to leave. In fact, i'm pretty sure that our country will eventually give you a free ticket home. If you try to push 80 of the population around with political correctness and lawsuits, then be prepared to get squashed when we fall on top of you. When we pick ourselves up, we'll be able to fly you like a frizbee to the country of your choice.

10 commandments of a teenager:-

2006-05-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are asleep.

(why wait that long)

2. Thou shall not take drugs.

(alcohol lasts longer and is sooo much cheaper)

3. Thou shall not steal from thy corner shop.

(woolworths has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not get arrested 4 vandalism.

(destruction has a bigger+better effect)

5. Thou shall not steal from thy parents.

(grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not help old ladies across the road.

(just leave them in the middle)

7. Thou shall not strip in class.

(hookers pay more)

8. Thou shall not get in fights.

(just start them)

9. Thou shall not skip class.

(take the whole day off)

10. Thou shall not think about sex.

(like nike says "just do it")

Politically Correct Phrases For Students:

2006-05-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

No one fails a class any more, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded any more. They merely "hit social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
It's not called gossip any more. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

on de b dae

2006-05-10T19:57:00.000+08:00

well well. i have one word to describe today, i think id choose EXHILIRATING. of all the things, lots, and i mean LOTS of things happened today. and i get teased about my pervious entry. hahahahah. ok lets start the whole day..

5.30: wake up and get ready to go to school. run off to bus stop. i thought i missed the bus when it didnt come at 6.20 i started to panic. then it came. PHEW.

got to school and bounced about in the canteen and did econs. millie came nad we finished our work. was on the wau upstairs when i suddenly struck her that it was my bdae hahahhahaha. so we got to class and i settle down to read. bell doesnt ring so we all get down late. on my way to the line when darren comes up and he shakes my hand(real handshake) and is like, happy bdae! im like, how on earth do U know. his reply? i have my sources. a little birdy told me! now why does that sound familiar??? ahhaha. anyhow he goes off and who should come up but darcy. gives me a hug and is like happy birthday! im like ahha thank you. then hes like i need to pass u something later. then goes off to pay up some debts:D ahhaha.

going up to class and anne goes on and on how i MUST follow her somewhere right after econs, the first period before i go for my break. im like.. ok. so boring econs and the bell rings and she starts to panic.hahaha.dont panic:D anyhows what do i say? relax anne teh sun isnt going to die.. hahahah. wad crap. tiffany chow gave me this really cute chicken bobbing pen. i felt like bursting for joy.anyhow, we finish teh bloody copying and im like ms lee can we go? and she like yes. and three ppl run out of class, me millie and anne.hahaha

so we go all the way down and im like, why are we hiding behind the bushes and lo and behold william and darcy come along out of lt 2. im like ok... so we go up and then william is like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! im liike.. haha tahnks. then darcy is like. ok i wanted to make u a card but i had no time so here you go and our chem teacher is behind us. so the rush off, like really fast. and there the 3 of us are standing in the quardrangle like idiots. haha. anyhow i look at wad he passed me and im like ooo cool the nike football bands thingy and this paper thing. anne an d millie take one looka dn laugh. im like. wad the hell is this? annes like *takes it out* its a CONDOM. im like.. freak hahahhahhaha. bloody darcy. ahhaha.2seconds it sinks in . then i laugh. laugh all teh way up to class then down again to break. and during break, i get a CAKE. in SCHOOL. that is the FIRST time. so SWEET of the class. man i love my class.hahah.okok. then we eat. and there are 2 slices left and anne and i go into cahoots to pass em to darcy and william. so we smuggle it all the way to their class. before econs lect. only to have them stuck in class. ah well. anyhows, we leave it under the bench and according to will.i.am. they got it. i think ahhaha. oh during break tiff and them from 1T16 pass me this bag (PUNK BAG() and in it is a punk belt and punk tee shirt! alright! im gonna wear it on friday:D anyhows. going up to class before geog and got more bdae wishes. geog is like geog as usual. nothing much happened. then there was malay oral and the worksheet i rushed to complete. ran all teh way back to class to pack my bag and i leave to the foyer. anne and millie have gone. finally reach safely. more happy bdaes. shawn still has teh hicky i gave him . hhahahaha. not a real one. abloody scratch on his neck i caused. anyhow, we go on board bus and i sit in bw jeremy and shawn:D then shawn falls a sleep and i talk a to z with jerms. mdm damo calls me phone and i pass it to mrs chua. am in front of bus and zehra and bern are acting weird. so i go back to hte back and tehn they come over and pass me this photo frame they made for me. SO SWEET. anyhows, we arrive and then get ushered in to the audi. hang about thro many boring thingies. cant rmb. then off to break before presentation. all goes well. i see slav in person! ahah. then we take lots of silly photos outside the lt for no reason. everyone finally meets terrence, berns bf:D then we leave and zehra and i lose bern so we hang about eating. find her and we go off. miss the bus adn get the 153. debate on whether we take bus or mrt. decide on bus. i get off. get teh next bus. reach bustop. take 20mins to get home when its on ly 3 mins away. Y? i have no idea. i had the impulse to walk really slowly, listeing to my music. so i did. get home finally help a bit around the house. then i go sleep. just woke up. my SIS gave me a PREZZZIE!! so SWEEET! its this assemble urslef motorbike thing. ahhaha. new fad.:D and now im stoning. wondering wad tomorrow is gonna be like. sports carnival. oh shoot. com is gonna shut down.take care!!

birthdays...

2006-05-09T18:33:00.000+08:00

its funny you get that anticipated feeling rite before ur birthday. then when it actually arrives you get this deflated feeling cos nothing happened. like nothing exciting or romantic or wads not. so now im preparing myself for a deflated feeling im most probably gonna feel tomorrow. sigh i jus realised taht it has been a hell of a long time since i last poted something. i noe, thats very slow of me considering its my blog, but its an epiphany, a realisation so.. haha. have been so damn busy with pre u seminar and the final rehearsal thing is tomorrow. as in first last rehearsal, if u get my drift, which i dont think you do so nvm.

i get this feeling that this years birthday is gonna be different, maybe cos its a new school and ppl do weird things in mixed schools, something im trying to come to terms with. am trying to change my thingking of teh normal sec school thing to do but its not really working.:( ah well. but nothing interesting has happened for other ppls bdaes so i dont see y anything should happen on mine, other than the fact that this year it is not during the EXAM week! yay! ahha.

ive always found the most romantic thing taht can happen in movies is when teh guy and girl dance with each other. i think tahts damn cool. oo. another thing thats QUITE different from all, LIKE LITERALLY all other birthdays or any other day in the HISTORY of my 16years 364 days and 23hrs that ive lived is teh fact that this FRIDAY is going to be a day to change teh REST of my life. on friday NITE im gonna go out with my mum, sis, dad, mums frend and JEREMY. ahaha. for the first time in my life, a person to get a treat on my bdae is a GUY. hahahhahaha. hes my new best BUDDY!! i swear, hes like the imaginary frend i knew i always had but never knew actually existed. damn DROLL. haha its a word that is PERFECT to describe jeremy. yay! adn my mom says he can come home to watch teh hitch hikers guide to the galaxy if its not too late.. hahahahha. thats a FIRST too.. a guy i noe coming to my house.hmmm.. new bestie!!! wheee!~!!! ok im super high and ive got tons of more preu sem stuff to do so i better go now before it turns 12 midnight.. hahahha. before today turns into tomorrow. before time is an illusion and lunchtime doubly so.. not good. ok..

so long and thanks for all the fish!!!

cutey pics.. looney toons(baby ones)

2006-05-09T18:28:00.000+08:00

dial a crocodile

2006-05-01T21:37:00.000+08:00

im a bomb technician!

2006-05-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

you know when you are stressed when: (or maybe just bored)

2006-04-30T14:23:00.000+08:00

Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you get some sleep.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
The Sun is too loud.
Trees begin threatening you.
You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
You believe that if you think hard enough, you can levitate.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before.
You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, and refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the day.
You yell: "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you're the only person in the room.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!"
Your favorite saying is "If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year..."
You try to wake up fast enough to catch yourself sleeping - and succeed.
You talk to yourself in the 3rd person.
You write sentences on multiple choice tests.
It's okay to fail, so long as you are not alone.
You frequently catch yourself saying "What?? We had homework??"
You manage to complete a semesters worth of homework the day before the term ends.
Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework.
You can count your last quiz grade on one hand.
You've consulted tarot cards for hints on a History test.
You have the library on speed dial.
You've developed an imprint of your book bag in your back.
Your best hope for most classes is either divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt.
Your books weigh more than you do.
You write a research paper on whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay.
You can lead your way through a frog's intestines with your eyes closed.
You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study.
You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time to gain that "upper edge" on the rest of the class.
Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily every after. Amen."
You actually worry about the 105% you have in math.
You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.
The librarians know you so well that you don't even have to go to the front desk of the library to check the book out.
You've read most of the books in your library, and have a written report on over 3/4 of them!
The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.
When you are home sick, you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is.
When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
You have an internet connection on your calculator.
You have more CD-ROMS than music CDs.
You discuss the impossibility of the aliens' computers being Macintosh compatible in Independence Day.
Your bed hasn't been slept in since Bush was president.
Your best friend is Jack Daniels.
You're afraid of sunlight since you haven't seen it in 3 years.
Breakfast?! What's that?
The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.
You always seem to have one continuous headache.
You haven't seen light in so long you glow in the dark.
You find yourself thinking "Without stress my life would be empty."
You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand.
You've taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class.
You actually get used to waking up at 5:00 am.
You think "getting high" is a reference to grades.
You have taken in so much knowledge that you forget what the doorbell means.
You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
You clean up your room and find a bed.
You wonder about things like what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and your turned your lights on.
It's the little things that confuse you.
You look foward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.
Yourbrainissooverloadedthatyouforgetthesimplestthings.
You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject "Hitler was a nice guy, wasn't he?"
Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate.
You have an element named after you.
You forget your brother's name because you haven't seen him in three years.
Wait...what brother?
When on vacation, you visit other schools.
You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest.
You'd feel bad about not having a social life if only you could remember what it was like to have one.
You think "social life" refers to life in Soviet Bloc nations during the Cold War
You talk in your sleep -- in Spanish.
You resort to communicating with classmates through a series of clicks because languages take too long.
You love the "Macarena" not because it's a neat-o dance, but because you actually understand what those Spanish guys are saying.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
You no longer speak English -- You speak a combination of English, German, Spanish, French, Portugese, Swedish, Dutch, Chinese, Russian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and Polish.
You debate physics during lunch…and you usually win.
You know the chemical composition of the ugly brown stains on the ceiling tiles.
You see 0110 1001 0110 1001 and get horny.
You make a date to do homework together and you actually do.
you start walking in geometric circles
you start analyzing random books, song lyrics, and street signs
a good night's sleep is 5 hours
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
16+2= ...wait let me get my graphing calculator!
the urge to shout "Sir, yes sir" overwhelms you and...you do it
you don't speak French, yet you compile a list of insults in French
it takes you 3 days to get this joke:
A: you know what?
B: no, introduce me.
you forget the meaning of the words "free time" yet remember the meaning of "mantic" (n. )
you have complicated dreams about graphing circles and ellipses
you start a Scrabble Club. wait...that's a bad thing?
You walk in the movement patterns of a knight to improve your chess strategy while you nap on your way to your next class.
the number on your screen name corresponds to the page number that character you use for your screen name has an appearance in the book you got it from
you understand above the first time you read it
whenever you're watching a movie you find all the motifs and themes...without trying
you brag that you only got 2 hours of sleep last night
you write a two page answer to a one sentence question
you look forward to arguing
you enjoy complaining and scaring the juniors (yeah, and they gave us 500 pages of History, but I managed to do that even though my back is now permanently damaged by the weight of my backpack, and the track bugs almost got me so I was exhausted from running... etc.)
when writing down decimals, you don't understand why you can't write them to the 14th decimal place
you feel sorry for the chemicals in chemistry class
this number means something: 42
you faithfully copy words without vowels in them, yet somehow understand them
you start overanalyzing the rainbows on people's clothing
you write a newsletter half in Latin
your Physics teacher knows how to say "outstanding" in over 30 languages, yet chooses"cool beans!"
you're disappointed when you only get 100% on a test
you complain about studying for your foreign language exam...in multiple foreign languages
you have a thought, and it hurts.
you have a hurt, and it thinks.
your main addiction is to sleep...and you're always experiencing withdrawal.
you get angry at someone for being late so you can't copy their homework.
your backpack is heavier than you are.
you realize that something is missing when your backpack feels too light.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
you use logic to justify the color of your nail polish.
you can't enjoy a heart-warming cartoon because the French grammar is wrong.
the most peer pressure you have recently experienced is someone trying to get you to eat potato chips.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.

this is the wierdest hting ive come across.hahaha.

3 ironys

2006-04-27T20:03:00.000+08:00

curiosity killed the cat

but satisfaction brought it back.

familiarity breeds contempt

but absence makes the heart grow fonder.

opposites attract

but birds of a feather stick together.

life is weird. full of contradictions, paradoxes and oxymorons. haha MORON.

crazy week

2006-04-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

man its been one hell of a week. everyone had one moment of being pissed or something. i broke down in taekwondo class cos this plume belt guy smashed my leg where i crashed on on tuesday. stupid grandstand. i cant seem to do anything right. to top it all off, i have this sneaky feeling i wont be able to do anything by myself without my mom being there like a mother hen. it seems to me that al the trips im going for overseas for NYAA or wad teh hell, she goes on 'can we come too?' im never going to be able to go on a holiday ON MY OWN. sheesh. really annoying. you watch movies like the beach or .. wat that movie?? oh well all sorts. and uve got these kids going off on their own. and shes once suggested' go backpacking across australia' probably next time i ask she'll be like, hey can we come? NO.

for once let me do what i want. ive been one hell of a chld so far. i never gave teenage rebellion problems so why cant i hang out on my own???? for hte first time i managed to escape on saturday outof the HOUSE and hung about orchard.. wasting darcy's studying time.. :P sorri.. but i felt damn FREE. then she called and was like. 'where are you?" and im like.. sigh.. orchard. looking at math. i was. looking at math functions questions tho i noe it doesnt help much. sigh. math sucks. life kinda sucks. specially sunday. everything went WRONG. now i dont feel any better. still screwed up life as ever. and the damn blog publishing doesnt seem to be working properly. definitely not my day, week, month.. yEAR. ah wad the hell. jc life is hell new and screwed up adn i feel like a 6yr old trapped in a freaking body of a 16.. soon to be 17.. year old. sucks to the core and nothing seem to be helping. saw this powerpoint slide my mom sent me from mtv, never seen before footage. about the 911 crash and infront of that pic there are these homeless, hiv positive hungry adn lonely ppl and the data for how many have died because of that compared to the 911. so sad. yet so true. and annoying. the fact they can spend so much time on the bloody event that is ONCE in a life time but something on going they cant be bothered. the logic of human kind. NO LOGIC what so ever. i am so screwed for everything. i see the walls around me *crumbling* adn *falling to bits and pieces* visualise* those movies where someone blows up abuilding and slow motion*- crumble crumble fall fall drop drop adn SPLAT. ahh well.

Earthday is coming up!!!

2006-04-19T18:35:00.000+08:00

Modern technology
Owes ecology
An apology.
~Alan M. Eddison

Don't blow it - good planets are hard to find. ~Quoted in Time

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. ~Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732

Newspapers: dead trees with information smeared on them. ~Horizon, "Electronic Frontier"

They kill good trees to put out bad newspapers. ~James G. Watt, quoted in Newsweek, 8 March 1982

And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess." ~Art Buchwald, 1970

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel." ~The Washington Post

We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved. ~Author Unknown

Take nothing but pictures.
Leave nothing but footprints.
Kill nothing but time.
~Motto of the Baltimore Grotto, a caving society

When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world. ~John Muir

Man must feel the earth to know himself and recognize his values.... God made life simple. It is man who complicates it. ~Charles A. Lindbergh, Reader's Digest, July 1972

Nature always strikes back. It takes all the running we can do to remain in the same place. ~Rene Dubos, Medical Utopias, 1961

Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years. ~Charles Haas

When a man wantonly destroys one of the works of man we call him a vandal. When he destroys one of the works of god we call him a sportsman. ~Joseph Wood Krutch

In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air. ~Changing Times magazine

funny epitaphs!

2006-04-15T23:38:00.000+08:00

haha guess wad! i found the actual epitaph on the net. this is how it really goes:

Come blooming youths, as you pass by ,
And on these lines do cast an eye.
As you are now, so once was I;
As I am now, so must you be;
Prepare for death and follow me.

and the reply:

To follow you
I am not content,
How do I know
Which way you went.

there are others:

here lies my wife
here let her lie
now she has peace
and so do i

honey you dont know
what you did for me
always playing the lottery.
the numbers you picked
came into play
two days after you passed away
for this
a huge monument i do erect
for now i get a yearly check
how i do wish you were alive
for now we are worth 8.5! (million)
[this is actually a real tombstone.. i pity the guy man]

here lies the body of our anna
doen to death by a banana
it wasn't the fruit that laid her low
but the skin of the thing that made her go

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna

She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake.

Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

I told you I was sick!

Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.

On an infant eight months old:

Since I have been so quickly done for,
I wonder what I was begun for.

Here lies, alas! poor Roger Norton.
Whose sudden death was oddly brought on!
Trying one day his corns to mow off,
The razor slipped and cut his toe off!
The toe, or rather what it grew to,
An inflammation quickly flew to;
The part then took to mortifying,
Which was the cause of Roger's dying.

wierd...

Happy Easter!!

2006-04-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

i loved todays homily. this priest in novena gave this homily on why catholics can laugh in the face of death becouse of jesus' resurrection. he gave mny examples of hilarious epitaphs but this one is the funniest:

for the man who passes by,
as you are, once was I
as i am now
you soon will be
so come along
and follow me

this tourist or something scribbled a reply under this tombstone:

to follow you i'll not consent
till i know which way you went!

hahahaha...

this is scary...

2006-04-15T15:19:00.000+08:00

imagine if it happened to you. id throw up...

bratty children

2006-04-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

wow today was one hell of a day. rushed out the door at 7.45 got to novena church at 8.oo am. did my econs homework for an hour sitting on the bench. james and darcy came and we stoned for 15mins before we gave up and realised that no divine intervention would make novena happen. i think they didn't have it today cos its holy saturday. ah well. then went to burger king and ate hash browns for 'breakfast'. am still not used to eating hot stuff for breakfast, unless its oatmeal. then i might as well be a horse.:) wanted to rush home when my mom called and said that easter egg blessing mass wasnt at 11am but at 11.45 am. ah well. hung about novena looking at the sport shops. they should add more sport shops and wipe out the silly accessories shops and weird 'clothes shops' if they want to make it a hub for sports. velocity novena.. hmm..

honestly i dont see how rags and pieces of cloth can be considered as clothing. managed to get home in time and ran out the door again to catch a cab to st iggys. got there 15mins early and stoned about with my sis till the blessing started. after that we hung about and talked about next sat when for the outing we're gonna have for one of these girls birthday's. this guy miko was annoying as usual. my mom asked me later why we found him annoying cos she said he seemed pretty sweet to her. we wanted to choke. ah well to each their own opinion. went to holland village shopping center and did grocery shopping. was at the meat section when i realised parents of bratty children can actually threaten them. theres this company in america called johnsonville who cooks little brats if they get too naughty. dont believe me?

see for yourself:

cooked brats.. yum yum.. or maybe u prefer a different serving..

smoked brats. they get 'cured' after this from all their brattiness.haha. brats beware....bratswurst. the new in thing. get it today!!

Yeah it's a woman...

2006-04-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

Arguing with women

2006-04-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

A Poem from girls to guys

2006-04-14T13:14:00.000+08:00

I shave my legs,

I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,

I can pump my own gas.

I can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles, at any cost;

And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

I never forget an important date.

You just gotta deal with it,I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies with lots of gore.

Don't need instant replay to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive,Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends, "Oh yeah, I can get her."

In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!

Flowers are okay,

But jewellery's best.

Look at me you idiot...

Not at my chest !!!

I don't have a problem,

With Expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying,

You look at the ceiling.

DON'T call me a GIRL,

A BABE or a CHICK.

I am a WOMAN.

Get it?

You DICK!?!

Society-Fitting IN

2006-04-14T12:09:00.000+08:00

ive always had this problem with fitting in. im always the odd one out, usually cos i stick out like a sore thumb, the blonde head among a sea of black hair in a local school. its kinda wierd. people stare at me when i go walking around the neighbourhood or if i go to the central and its like they give me the look sayin 'you-dont-belong-here-in-this-part-of-town-where-only-locals-belong-so-go-back-to-your-damn-country'. thats why the first time we went to the polish community gathering i felt like i finally belonged cos us polish teens just started bitching and all that nonsense. it gives me this nice happy feeling inside that i fit in.

then just yesterday i was thinking about it and i realised that the whole thing on fitting in is a bloody perpective set up by the society we live in. to fit in is to conform to the rules of society or something of the sort. society decides what we should fit in to and what different groups there are. even to be a rebel against society is being classified under 'rebels'. we will never escape from society and classification systems. who are these idiots we refer to when we say 'they say that..' and who are the people behind society that determine the cultures in society? i dont know.

Hmmm..

2006-04-14T11:26:00.000+08:00

This is some chain email ive gotten about a million gazillion times..
Ive always wondered bout it..

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are really weak and most susceptible?
[i actually find this true, cos when ever i do something, i only do it cos there are others around, otherwise id be too scard to do it. i noe, pathetic of me but true]

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?
[i wonder how heros feel when they go about saving damsels in distress and the world. do they really feel not confident sometimes? i need to watch smallville again and gain insight on superman]

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I love you, Sorry and help me
[ok this is seriously true. cos i hate having to say sorry and half the time when i do it slams back into my face. ouch. i dont know about the i love you part but i find asking for help not much of a problem. cos if i dont ask for help i'll die trying to struggle]

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
[ i despise red clothes. doesnt look nice on me. it probably explains the first one on being weak. im not confident enuf]

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
[i know for a fact i cant pull of yellow cos then i'll just look like a big oversized lemon with my hair being blonde. bad bad choice. just goes to show i dont enjoy my beuty:) like hell, wad beauty?????]

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
[ i like black. it makes everyone look a hell lot slimmer. im not kidding.but i suppose i usually wear it when i want to blend in with the crowd and when im depressed. goes to prove the unnoticed part]

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
[ i have yet to discover this but i know for a fact if you help, people see you as a friendly happy person. probably thats why they would be more willing to help you next time so it just seeems like its two fold...]

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
[this is so true.. its easier to dismiss everything by writing. then i realised that it didnt help cos i cant express myself in words. it does mean more when you say it to someone. i mean can you imagine someone saying. 'i lurf u' in an sms? wad the hell man.. tho ive have bad experiences saying sorry and stuff i still continue..i try to]

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
[ this sounds cool tho freaky and i dont really know if it works but there was this time i forgot to do my histroy homework adn i prayed all the way to school. my teacher called in sick. phew..]

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.
[yep id be surprised if this is true..]

life is one hell of a journey.. everything seems to mean something.. and if it can be classified. then what we do actually means we all act the same way adn think the same way.. so there are no boundaries between men and women and geniuses and us normal human beings.. hmmm..

2006-04-13T06:48:00.000+08:00

For where two or three are
gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. -Matthew 18:20

Does this count?

Lessons we could learn from Noah's Ark

2006-04-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

21 steps for a better life

2006-04-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Gratefulness

2006-04-12T06:37:00.000+08:00

It usually takes something really drastic or bad for one to realise and appreciate what you've got. It makes it even more a miracle when you can meet someone in this urban, high-fly, technologically advanced world that can appreciate the little simple things in life. A word of advice from someone: Remeber when life gets you down, look around you, you are living in someone elses dream. This really caught me off guard. Especially when you're in the midst of being scolded by your mom. The professor's take on that? "She probably has a good reason to be yelling at you. My mom always does." Wow.

Ok,right. Back to being grateful. He started telling me about this couple he saw who were blind and they were helping each other unzip this bag. A simple act such as unzipping a bag is thanks to our pair of eyes. And our snese of touch. People in comas or have this syndrome (I can't remember what it is called) can't feel the warmth of hugs and the cool breeze in autumn or the spray of rain on their cheeks on a rainy day. That is super sad. People who can't walk or talk miss out on quite a lot.

But I suppose the miracle, or moral, of the story is that these people always find some way to overcome these obstacles and still live life happily and to the fullest. Be grateful for the simple things in life, cos I never know when it will be snatched away from me.

Obstacles: the annoying little cracks in the ground that try and stop you from reaching your goal. Jump over 'em.

Why God made women

2006-04-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

Man to God: "God, why did you make women so beautiful?"

God to Man: "So you would love her."

Man to God: "But why did you make her so dumb?"

God to Man: "So that she would love you."

Advice for women

2006-04-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

Here's a short instruction manual to help
you women deal with the opposite sex...

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine that you can change a man unless he is in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they put a man on the moon, why can't they put them all there?

Tell him you are not his type, you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander, it is too little to be let out alone.

Go for younger men - you might as well, they never mature anyway.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men, most of them are the Do-It-Yourself types.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they are too old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually 'oh alright, I'll stay the night.'

Sadly, all men are created equal.

Remember that a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of 'former boyfriend.'

There are lots of words to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong, but you can still use them.

MEN : Can't Live With Them, Can Live Without Them!

in this amazing race, only men win

2006-04-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

understanding women

2006-04-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

a warning to men...

2006-04-11T20:37:00.000+08:00

Empty

2006-04-11T18:50:00.000+08:00

I have this funny feeling in my tummy. It's like this kinda hollow, empty feeling, something like butterflies in my tummy. But not quite. I don't really know what it is but I know it's there. They say that you can will yourself to become sick. Maybe I'm willing this funny empty feeling in my tummy. I am really upset right now though I don't look it. My mom is pissed at me, yelling about and all because she says I yell at her, or that I'm the problem cos I yelled at her. That's why she's yelling at me. I don't know. I'm not convinced. It is hard trying to fulfill everyone's expectations and when you try your best you still get scolded. Why can't people just take others as they are without any of the high standards and expectations that come along with everything that occurs in life? Will our lives really be worse off without these expectations? I'm more inclined to think that without these frivoulous matters, life will be less stressful for everyone. I won't have to worry about meeting their standards and they don't have to worry about me not reaching their standards. Plain and simple life. But no, life ends up being a hell lot complicated... Ah well.